Thursday, November 29, 2012

Liberator Wedge/Ramp Combo Review

Wedge on the left, Ramp on the right
Sex furniture.  It's something that I never thought I'd own.  That's something for R rated movies and porn...isn't it?  Well, apparently not.  The Liberator Wedge/Ramp Combo is now residing in our very real bedroom, and I couldn't be happier.

A little bit about them:  The Liberator Wedge and Ramp are two different products that are sold separately or can be bought together as a "Combo" set.  The Wedge is the smaller of the two and is often used to change the angle of the woman's hips in either missionary position or "doggy style".  The Ramp is much larger and generally used to help make "doggy style" more comfortable and supportive for the woman, taking the strain off her joints.  Put them together and you are only limited by your imagination.  Their microfiber covers create friction against each other, so they stick together.

Ramp
Wedge

What I loved: Choices!  If you buy from the Liberator site, not only can you choose the color of the Wedge/Ramp, but you can also customize the height and width to match your body type.  Don't worry, there's a guide on the site to help you select what size is best for you.  A friend, however, pointed out to me that the squishiness of your mattress matters here.  We have a Tempurpedic mattress and we don't sink very far into it, so the guide was right on for us.  However, my friend has a very tall husband and they tend to sink down into the mattress, so they bought the "average height" instead of the taller version, and it works just right for them.  It's something you may want to consider before you buy.

The microfiber of the Wedge and Ramp feel really nice under my hand.  Don't think of those microfiber cleaning cloths that stick to your hands.  It's not like that at all.  It feels more like velvet or velour.  The fabrics create friction against each other, so if you stack the Ramp and Wedge together, they won't slide around during use.
Look!  They stick!


Inside the removable covers is a very dense foam.  It's neither hard nor soft, but very comfortable and supportive.  Neither Husband nor I, nor both of us together, sink into it, but remain supported on top.  It doesn't collapse at all like pillows.  The same density that makes it great for sex also makes it great for lounging.  Placing the Ramp so it supports my back and head (so my head is high) with the Wedge under my legs is extremely comfortable.   I find myself back on it again and again, even though sex is not on my mind.  It's that comfy.
My favorite lounging configuration


Although this set can be arranged to facilitate a large variety of positions (and we intend on finding each and every one!), we actually bought it for one position in particular.  Husband loves the cowgirl (woman-on-top) position, but supporting myself like that just kills my wrists.  It was to the point that I was beginning to worry about irreversible injury.  I figured the Ramp would bring his upper body up towards me and I would be able to rest my arms on the ramp if I leaned forward.  Guess what?  It worked exactly like that.

Then, we tried doggy style with the Ramp.  Oh my freaking goodness, it was perfect.  I could rest my upper body on the Ramp (head pointed downwards).  The height was just right.  I wasn't having to adjust myself or strain my torso,back, arms or wrists.  Just wow.

What I didn't: It's hard to store, I guess.  You know what?  So far, there is nothing I've found that I don't like.  However, a friend did mention to me that the labels may be a problem for children or prying eyes.  If that's an issue, make good friends with a pair of scissors and a seam ripper so you can remove them.

Final thought:  Worth it!  The set is pricey at around $230, but consider this: it will save your joints, you can use it for things that have nothing to do with sex, you can get into all sorts of great, new positions (hello, G-spot!), and other owners I've talked to tell me that theirs shows little to no wear after 2 years of ownership.  This was a Christmas gift to ourselves for Husband and I, and I am beyond thrilled.  I highly recommend it!

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Bedroom Misadventures Episode 2

You've heard me talk about wanting to get a men's toy for Husband.  Well, a few days ago, the Tenga Flip Hole in black went on sale on Eden Fantasys for 35% off.  And, I had points to spend.  So I bought it.  It arrived today, but we haven't used it yet.  This is not a review.  Not yet.  This post is about what happened with the packaging.

The Flip Hole comes in a large, plastic tube that also houses the instructions and three small bottles of lubricant.  One of the lubricant bottles had come lose and spilled lube all over the inside and outside of the package, and all over the box.  I didn't panic.  Shipping issues happen, and as long as the item wasn't damaged, we were fine.  It wasn't.  I figured I'd just wash it off, no problem.

Checking the package, trying to find a way to open the cylinder, I noticed a tiny red dot near the top that said, "PUSH."  Ah, a way to open it.  I pushed.  Not hard.  This sent the round, plastic lid of the cylinder flying past me, across the room, but not before grazing my head and depositing lubricant all over my hair.

Not awesome.  Funny, but not awesome.

It's here!!!

My Liberator Wedge/Ramp came about an hour ago.  Unfortunately, it's too late in the evening to take good photos (I like to use natural light).  So, tomorrow look for what I'm pretty sure is going to be a glowing review with photos!

I actually just set them up and lounged on them.  They are that comfy.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

SBS Project Day 10

And here we are, pretty much at the end.  You may just about be done, you may have lost track and have to do some (or all) of the SBS Project all over again.  If you need to go back, do so.  There's no shame in it.  Life happens and no space can be perfect all the time.  Or some of the time.  Or at all.  Right now I'm sitting in my living room and wouldn't even be able to walk a straight line through it due to all the Legos, books, and toys scattered on the floor.  And you know what?  It will still be there in 10 minutes when I'm done with my tea.  And guess what else?  I will be going back and doing half of the SBS Project again immediately and I'm not ashamed to say so.

As we wind down the SBS Project, I feel the need to note, rather emphatically, that we're going for a sexy sanctuary in the bedroom.  Don't get too tied up in making everything perfect, because it will never get there.  Perfection is unattainable in this life.  What you are going for is a place that you and your spouse want to be in.  A place that is (mostly) clutter free, comfortable, sexy, warm and inviting.  Don't get too discouraged if your place doesn't look like a magazine.  Most real houses don't look like that.

So, let's say you now have a completely clean, clutter free space of marital bliss.  Now what?  Celebrate!  Put the kids to bed and have yourselves an amazing night.  Buy some new lingerie (if you like and can afford it), light some candles, put on some music, and just be together in your new space.  Shut everything out for a little while and just be together in the space that is set aside for you both.

Make bed/do laundry/tidy the floor.

Do a quick dust and vacuum/mop, if necessary.

Enjoy.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Coming up next...

The Tenga Flip Hole in Black is on its way!  That will probably be the next thing I review here on the blog, which should be happening sometime next week.

Photo Credit: Eden Fantasys

The week after, I'll be getting the Jopen Ego e3, which I am super excited about.  I'm just waiting for it to come back in stock.
Photo Credit: Eden Fantasys

Sometime in the next week or so, I'll also be receiving the Liberator Wedge/Ramp Combo!  Both Husband and I are very excited about it.  I'm going to include two links to the Liberator Wedge/Ramp, and I'll tell you why.  The Liberator site allows you to customize the fabric color, and more importantly, the height and width of the cushions so that they fit you (and your spouse).  However, the Liberator site does contain nudity, so if that bothers you, you've been warned.  The other is just an Amazon listing so you can see what I'm talking about if you don't want to look at the Liberator site.

Liberator site (contains nudity)
Amazon listing (no nudity)

SBS Project Day 9

We're coming to the home stretch now!  Whether you are literally on your 9th day of the (Sexy) Bedroom Sanctuary Project or it has taken you a month or so to get this far, applaud yourself!  You are closer to creating a sexy space that you and your spouse want to be in.

Make bed/do laundry/have your containers.  You get the idea.

Tidy floor, if necessary.

Clean under the furniture.  For many of us (cough...me...cough) this is a very scary thing, but it can be done.  Trust me.  I can nearly guarantee that under your furniture does not look as bad as under mine.  So, here's what you (and I) are going to do.  Figure out how many pieces of furniture you have in your bedroom that need to be decluttered underneath.  For me, I have a desk, nightstand, bed, and wardrobe that will need to be cleaned out from under and behind.  The bed alone is probably going to take a whole day's work.  Therefore, personally I'm going to break it up into a few days if I'm short on time or tired.  You should, too.  If it takes you a week to clean out from under the bed, so what?  It gets done when it gets done.

Do one piece of furniture at a time.  If it's very cluttered, set a timer for a certain amount of time, then stop working when the timer goes off.  Or, decide you'll do half, or a third, or a quarter of a piece of furniture at a time.  Go at your own pace.

A Sad Day

Remember when I received the JimmyJane Contour M, and I was ever so happy?  A nice little self or partnered massage was perfect for just relaxing and easing those muscles that are always tense (I have chronic tension headaches.  Fun).  Anyway, in short, I loved it.




Well, the other night I was crawling into bed in the dark when there was an unexplained noise that can best be described as cross between a crunch and a shatter.  I had left the massager on the bed and forgotten about it.  Now I have this:


And now I'm sad.

Friday, November 23, 2012

One More Reason I Love My Husband

Husband is not perfect.  I am not perfect.  I never claimed either of us were.  We have our ups and downs like every other married couple.  Sometimes, though, something extraordinary happens, and I love him even more.

We were trying to figure out what we wanted for lunch.  The kids snagged cinnamon pancakes left over from breakfast and husband voted to have leftover chili that he had made, which just left me.  He asked me what I wanted.

"I'll just have a sandwich or something," I said.  I'm still a little hormonal right now and certain foods just disgust me at the moment.  Chili is one of them.

"But what do you want?" he asked.  "Do you want some scallops?"

"We do have the calico scallops in the freezer."

"Or," he said, "We could go and get some sea scallops from the seafood market."

So we did.  And mussels, too.  Then, although he had already eaten, that marvelous man went in the kitchen and made fresh noodles, peppers from the garden, sea scallops and mussels, just for me, because he loves me.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

SBS Project Day 8

Today on the (Sexy) Bedroom Sanctuary Project, we're going to look at those flat surfaces that tend to collect junk.  Don't panic!  You can do this.  Remember that you can break this up over several days if you have a lot to do.

Make bed/do laundry/have your containers.  You get it.

Tidy main spaces of floor, if necessary.

Look at the flat surfaces.  These are the tops of dressers, wardrobes, desks, display shelves, nightstands, etc.  How long this step will take depends on how many surfaces you have and how messy they are.

Step by step, here is what you are going to do for each surface:

1. Grab your trash/donation/put away containers and keep them handy.  You will put anything that doesn't belong in that space in the appropriate container.

2.  Start decluttering.  If you have a lot to do or are feeling overwhelmed, set a timer for a reasonable amount of time.  I suggest 10 or 15 minutes if you are struggling.  For each item you find, ask yourself if you love it and if you need it.  If the answer is no, put the item in the donation or trash container.

3.  When you are done removing all the clutter, all that should be left are things you (or your spouse) love or need.  Dust the area.  If it's light dust, use a feather duster.  For heavier dust, use a rag.

We-Vibe 3, revisited

If you recall when I got the We-Vibe 3, you may remember that I was absolutely not in love with it.  I had high expectations and it completely failed me.  I was looking for two things: strong vibrations and something that would stay in place during sex.  I found neither in the We-Vibe 3.  My disappointment was, well, pretty deep.

So, let's look at the features that are left over: a flexible, silicone, rechargeable toy with moderate vibrations.  Once I got over the price of the vibe, followed by the insane amount of sadness it produced, Husband and I found it had one really great use.  It's fabulous for foreplay!  Several nights ago, he suggested using it when we're headed for sex soon, but not yet.  You see, the WV3 is wearable under clothing!  I mean, I wouldn't suggest wearing it out to run errands, but it's fun to wear when I'm going about a few last minute evening chores, and Husband finds that kind of sexy.  Multi-tasking at it's finest.

All this leads me to rethink my feelings on it.  I think I can sum it up this way.

As a couple's toy:  It doesn't work that way for us.  The vibrations aren't that strong and it doesn't stay on my G-spot or clitoris during sex.  So...  1 out of 5.

As a foreplay toy:  The fact that it's wearable and gives moderate, but not strong vibrations, makes it a lovely foreplay toy.  Going about whatever needs to be done while wearing it is fun for me and hot for Husband.  Win-win.  4 out of 5.  I'd give it a 5 out of 5 as a foreplay toy if the vibrations were a little stronger.

Final thought: The WV3 is a bit pricey, but it's a luxury, silicone, rechargeable toy.  That's to be expected.  However, the lack of power alone makes it seem overpriced at around $140.  Of course, everyone prefers a different vibration strength, and what's too weak to me may be too strong for someone else.  Vibration strength aside, the difficulty we face in keeping it where it needs to be during intercourse makes it seem even less worth it.  But how to reconcile that with the fact that it's great for foreplay?  I think I can do that by saying this: I'm glad I have it since it is fun to wear, but it's not worth the full price.  Get it, but get it on sale.  A really big sale.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

SBS Project Day 7

Now we're going to get into some heavy duty stuff.  After we're done with the big stuff, which is going to take a few days, we're going to get into fun stuff, like making your sexy space.  It will be fun.

Laundry/Make Bed/Have your containers.  You've got this.

Tidy the floor.  Anything on the floor that needs to be picked up?  Do so.

Look at your clutter corners.  These are areas where clutter just kind of falls and stays there.  Next to your desk, between the bed and night stand, behind the door, etc.  Today, we're going to start cleaning these.  Have your donation, trash, and put away containers handy, pick a clutter corner, and start working.  If your clutter corners are particularly messy, you are short on time, or you are struggling, break up clutter corners into several days.  There's no shame in only doing one clutter area today.  Or half of one.  Go at your own pace.  Remember, we are not doing under the furniture yet.

Another Update on the We-Vibe Touch

If you haven't picked up on the idea, the We-Vibe Touch is one of my favorite vibrators.  It fits between Husband and I during intercourse (especially in the cowgirl position), and that's just awesome.  When it spontaneously stopped working, I was heartbroken, but thankfully it was under warranty.  So I submitted a warranty claim online, and a few days after that We-Vibe told me it sounds like it's defective and to send it back to them to be checked.

I debated long and hard as to whether or not to bother sending it back, mostly because the idea of going to the post office and standing in line at this time of year, plus filling out a customs form (it's going to Canada), frankly frightened me.  I have enough Eden Points that I could just get a new one for free, no post office line necessary, but I was saving those points for other things.

So, this morning I made the trip out to the post office, kiddos in tow, which by itself was scary.  I got there shortly after 9am, and found there were only two people ahead of me.  Score!  When it was my turn at the counter, I told the woman that my package needed to go to Canada.  She simply said, "Ah!  You'll need this custom form then."  She handed me a form that was a little bigger than an index card that only asked for what was in the package, how much it was worth, where it was going and where it was from.  In case you are wondering what I declared it to be, I wrote "Massager under warranty," which is what We-Vibe suggests writing, since when it comes down to it, it is a massager.  You don't really have to write sex toy or vibrator.  How embarrassing would that be?

The post office trip was actually pretty painless, although I really didn't like having to pay to send back a defective item.  That seems silly.  I've never had to pay for shipping to return a defective item before, and it slightly shifted my opinion of their customer service.  I ended up paying under $20 to ship it back, which is almost 1/4 of what paid for the thing in the first place.  I don't like that.

What happens next is if the Touch is in fact found to be defective, they'll send a replacement from New York.

Hold it.  They're making me pay the extra money to have it shipped internationally when they have a location in New York?  Couldn't they have people in New York capable of checking it for defects?  Obviously they don't, but why not?

The experience isn't horrible, but it is kind of a PITA.  But I went through it anyway.  I love the Touch that much.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

A Little Change Today

Life sort of got away from me today.  So, there will be no SBS Project post today, but it will return tomorrow.  I just didn't get a chance to get in there today as I was occupied elsewhere.  So, anyway, come back tomorrow for more of the Sexy Bedroom Sanctuary Project!

In other news, I started a Pinterest account for Rolling in the Hay so I can pin the things that deal with what I talk about here.  Seemed like a good idea.  You can find a button for it on the sidebar.

That's pretty much it for today from me.

Reconnecting (and a DIY spa recipe!)

Lemon Vanilla Sugar Scrub
Sometimes the stress just gets to us.  It's not even anything particularly big, but a bunch of little things piled up together to the point where we throw our hands up in surrender and cry, "No more!"  A few nights ago was one of those times.  We were snippy, we were exhausted, we were all sorts of angry and hostile and just needed a time out.  Well, why let it just lie when you can do something about it?  I began to scheme.

While the evening was winding down I began to prep.  I started by giving the bathroom a really deep clean, because that's where the evening was going to begin.  Then I placed some candles on small dishes around the sink near the shower.  And then it was off to the kitchen.

Now, when I do anything in the kitchen, Husband gets excited and thinks I might be baking something.  He immediately wanted to know what I was up to, but I made him wait.  Then I started making a sugar scrub (recipe at the bottom of the post).

After the kids were in bed, I lit the candles and started the shower.  I took Husband in with me, and we spent quite some time using the body scrub on each other.  The contact was soothing, relaxing, and really helped us just stop and reconnect with each other.  We were able to ground ourselves and really just be with each other for those few minutes.  There is nothing quite doing something so caring for each other, even when it is as simple as washing the skin.  It had been a long time since we had done something just so aching beautiful.  I know it sounds ridiculous and dramatic, but it's true.

*          *          *

All this had an amazing side effect, besides the obvious emotional reconnection.  That body scrub I made?  It was beyond fabulous.  We now make and use it regularly.  Both of us had smooth, soft skin that we, yes, WE, loved.  Want the recipe?  Here it is:

Vanilla Lemon Sugar Scrub
  • 2/3 cup white sugar
  • zest of one lemon
  • a teaspoon or so of lemon juice
  • 1/2 teaspoon vanilla
  • smidge of olive oil


Pour sugar in a bowl, add vanilla and stir until well combined.  Zest a lemon, making sure to break up any long strands of zest.  
My zester.  I love this thing.
Ribbons of lemon zest

Add it and the lemon juice to the sugar and stir.  Now comes the olive oil.  How much olive oil you need is really going to depend on how damp the atmosphere and sugar are, but it will be somewhere around a tablespoon or so. You are looking to make a paste, but not too wet.  Place in airtight container.
Ingredients mixed together


To use, place some in your palm and scrub over your body in circular motions.  Rinse off.  Take care, as the oil in the scrub may make the bottom of your shower slightly slick.  Now, enjoy the smoothness of your skin.

Monday, November 19, 2012

SBS Project Day 6

How are you doing with your own Sexy Bedroom Sanctuary Project?  Going well?  Not so much?  Remember, you can always back up and do a certain day or specific assignment again.  No big deal.  Remember, how fast you go here depends on the size of your room, what state it was in to begin with, how much time you have, and your physical ability.

Today is going to be an easy day.  You've done 5 days (or more) so far.  I'm proud of you!  And I'm proud of me!  So, we're going to slow down a bit today and pick up the pace tomorrow.

Make your bed/do some laundry/have your containers.  You got all that by now, right?  Same thing every day.

Take stock of clutter corners and flat surfaces.  Take a look around the room.  Notice where your clutter corners are.  This is where things just fall and stay there.  It could be next to your desk.  Behind the door.  Between the bed and the nightstand.  Notice where these areas are in your room.  Don't do anything else with them.  Just take note of where they are.

Now, look around at all the flat surfaces in your room.  I'm talking about the top of the dresser, nightstand, wardrobe, desk, etc.  It may even be your bed if you have the tendency to throw things there.  Notice where all these spots are, how many you have, and how cluttered they are.

That's it for the day.  Tomorrow we'll start work on the flat surfaces and the clutter corners.

Bedroom Misadventures, Episode 1 (revised, to make it a little less embarrassing)

I've been debating whether or not to say anything of our failed experiments.  Embarrassing, horrifying, failed attempts at new positions and toys.  The more I think about it, the more I figure that this blog is about honesty.  If I'm encouraging others to be open about sex with their spouses and know that it's OK to talk about, I certainly can't pretend I'm Little Miss Always Has a Perfect Love Making Session.  Because, well, I don't.  Sometimes I fail.  Sometimes I fail epicly.  All that being said, let me tell you about last night...

Husband and I are both pretty adventurous in the bedroom.  We'll try just about anything once with a few exceptions (things that are obviously illegal and bringing in another person/swinging.  Those are both a big, fat NO for us).  Anyway, when one of us has a thought on something new to try, whether it be a new position, using a different piece of furniture, or trying a new toy or sexy activity, we bring it up to the other person.  The other person gives a yes, no, maybe, not this time, ask again tomorrow, etc.  There is no judgement or anger involved in any of this and the worst we can possibly say is "no."  No big deal, right?  Well, usually it's not.

Last night I got up the nerve to ask for something that's been running around in my head for a while.  You know I do a lot of reading and research for all this blogging nonsense, right?  In my travels, I pick up on new ideas.  New activities.  New toys and positions.  Anyway, this idea (which I'm a bit too embarrassed to tell you what it was.  Shut up.  Don't judge me) had me curious enough to give it some deep thought, and, following our "We'll try just about anything once" mantra, I brought up the idea to Husband.  He gave me a "maybe."  Fine by me.

In the end, his answer ended up being a combination of "No, not my thing," and "We'll revisit the idea at a later time."  Again, no big deal.  It wasn't the first time either of us turned down an idea.  No further discussion is necessary.

Almost.

I'm a bit of a hormonal mess right now (no, I'm not pregnant, in case that's where your mind went), which for me means everything is a big deal.  We had our splendid couple's time and went about our evening, but afterward I felt so awful.  I felt personally rejected and embarrassed that I ever brought up such an idea.  Of course, those feelings were uncalled for.  He never meant to make me feel that way, but those feelings were there anyway.  He picked up on my mood, but interpreted as disappointment.  He tried to make me feel better, but since he misunderstood what was wrong, he failed.

He made his charmingly confused face at me when his attempts at making me feel better didn't have the desired effect.  The kind of expression that makes me melt and fall in love with him all over again.

Poor guy.

I didn't sleep well last night, and this morning I was still feeling all sorts of rejected and embarrassed.  Husband reassured me that those feelings are unnecessary.  He's said no to ideas before.  I've said no to ideas before.  So what was different about this time?  Well, that would be the ball of hormones that is me at the moment.  Ugh.  Hey, who wants some tea?  I know I do.


Sunday, November 18, 2012

SBS Project Day 5

Today, I got downright cranky.  The room was looking better and more comfortable, but I was moody for unrelated reasons.  Sometimes, when I get moody, I clean.  I did more today than I intended, but I'm happy with the progress.

Anyway, if you haven't cleared the clutter from the floor of your room (the obvious places in your line of sight), back up and do Day 4 until you have finished.

On to today's assignments!

Make your bed.

Have your trash/donation/put away containers handy.  As you move throughout your space, put any obvious items you find in the appropriate containers.

Do a load of laundry if applicable.

Clean the walls and baseboards.  Whether or not you can do this in one setting (or at all), depends on the size of your room and your physical ability.  My room is not huge so I did it all at once.  It's OK if you need to break it up over a few days.

My favorite way to get the dirt off the walls is to use a little bit of diluted Doctor Bronner's peppermint soap on a damp rag.  Not only does it look cleaner, but it smells nice, too!  And in all seriousness, it's amazing how far clean baseboards go to add a sense of order to a room.  It sounds crazy, I know.  But once you do it, you'll see what I mean.

Vacuum or mop the floor if applicable.  Cleaning the walls may have released some dust and debris. Or your floor might be a mess after removing all the clutter.  Either way, give the floor a quick cleaning.  We're not talking about perfection here.



Saturday, November 17, 2012

SBS Project Day 4

Carrying on, kids, carrying on.

When I walked into the bedroom Husband and I share this evening, I was not amused.  Not angry, but a little discouraged.  The new toner for the printer had come, and the boxes lay around.  There had been people climbing all over the bed and it was a crumpled mess.  There were pieces of errant laundry on the bed.  A stack of unfolded clothes were waiting for me.  The floor was still a sandy, cluttered disaster.  What's to be done?  Well, do what I did before.  Remind the kids that this is personal space and go back to cleaning up.  I can not stand to have a room that I can't walk through without tripping.

And, if I'm honest, it's not just the kids.  It's Husband.  It's me.  It's all of us.  But that's what this is all about.  Turning the family storage room back into a sexy sanctuary.  With that in mind, here are today's assignments.

Remind people of the law of your room, if necessary.

Make your bed.

Fold any leftover laundry.  Wash more.

Have your trash/donations/put away containers handy.

Pick up the obvious spaces in your floor.  We did a brief tidy of the floor yesterday.  Today we're doing a deeper clean, picking up any floor space that is visible.  That does NOT mean under your furniture.  That's later.  If your floor is particularly messy, break it up into smaller areas or use a timer set for a manageable amount of time.  There is NO SHAME in breaking up this step over the next several days.  Stop here and repeat this step until the visible parts of the floor (not under the furniture) are clean or manageable.  When you finish, go on to the next day.

Tenga Egg (Stepper) Review

photo credit Eden Fantasys
Most of our toys are all about me.  Stimulators, vibrators, nipple toys...me, me, ME!  Husband has never complained about that, but honestly, I felt a little guilty.   Surely, there must be something I can get for him?

We decided to get one of the many male stimulators out there to add some variety to foreplay, manual sex (hand jobs) and oral sex (blow jobs).  But since we had never had such a toy and there are oh-so-many out there, which one should we get?  Would he even like it?  I knew I wanted to get him something high-quality, but the idea of dropping a fair amount of money (or Eden Points) on a toy that he wasn't necessarily going to like was a bit daunting.  Then, we discovered the Tenga Egg.  It's relatively cheap and disposable, and we thought it would be perfect to find out if he (and we) would like this sort of thing.

A little bit about it: The egg is made of silicone (use water-based lubricant only!), disposable, and very, very stretchy.  It is textured on the inside, and each variety of egg has a different texture.  Ours was the "stepper."  Even though the egg looks very small (about the size of a tangerine) it can stretch all the way down the shaft of the penis.
Tenga Egg Review @ http://rollinthehay.blogspot.com
The egg flipped inside-out so you can
see the textures on the inside.

On the bottom of the egg is an opening.  Place some water-based lubricant in it (it comes with a small packet of it), and then slide the whole thing down over the head of the penis.

Packaging: The Tenga Egg comes in a little plastic egg very similar to the ones you see at Easter.  There's a little shrink wrap sleeve on the outside that gives some basic information.

What I loved: This was a great way to dip our toes, so to speak, into the world of male-specific sex toys.  He had never had a masturbator toy before, and found he really loved the convenience of it.  No mess to clean up after!  That's pretty handy.  I loved that my hand didn't get tired using it on him.  The egg did most of the work.  And, of course, it felt good for him!

What I didn't: The egg is meant to be a one-use disposable.  At around $10 each, it's a bit pricey for something you should only use once.

Final thought: This is what Husband has termed a "gateway toy."  It's great to use if you want to see if a masturbator is something you may want to add to the bedroom without a huge monetary commitment.  It's even great for travel, since if you lose it or forget it somewhere, you are only out about $10, and once it's used, you can just throw it away.  In short, I recommend it for people that fit into those two categories (newbies and travelers), but not for experienced users looking for a new favorite toy.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Coming up next...

Photo Credit Eden Fantasys
I have to wait for daylight to get some decent photos, but I wanted to let everyone know what I'm reviewing next: The Tenga Egg.  We bought it just for a fun little change to the normal.  In short, we loved it, but seems a little expensive for what it is.  Come back tomorrow for the full review!

SBS Project Day 3

Today on the Sexy Bedroom Sanctuary Project, we're just going to do what we did before, plus a little extra.  I don't know about you, but I'm starting to feel a little peace entering my room already, which is fabulous, because I'm feeling kind of crabby.

Make the bed.

Put some laundry in to wash (if you have any waiting) and fold any clean clothes.

Have your containers ready for trash/donations/put away.

Pick up the laundry.    Look around.  Do you have any clean or dirty clothes on the floor?  Pick them up.  Fold them and put them away or put them in the hamper.  If in doing this, you find any clothes that nobody wears but somehow keeps getting pulled back out, put it in your donation container.  Or put aside to make rags from.  Or toss it.

Brief floor tidy.  If you now have enough room to sweep or vacuum the floor, even if you can't do all of the floor, go ahead and do that now.  If you look and have anything on the floor that is obviously trash, doesn't belong there, or can get donated, put it in the appropriate containers.  If you have a lot of floor space to clean, limit yourself to one specific area or set a timer for no more than 15 minutes and clean for that amount of time.  Remember, if you do too much in one day you risk shutting down.  This is a quick and dirty tidy, picking up anything that jumps out at us.  This doesn't mean that you should clean all of the floor right now (you shouldn't), or clean out from under the furniture.  That's later.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

SBS Project Day 2

Yesterday, we took out the (obvious) trash, made our beds, thought about new sheets, and laid down the law as to who and what is and is not welcome in our sacred space.  If you haven't finished those things, do those first before moving on.

Try not to do too much in one day.  If you do, you'll just feel wiped out and will stop making progress. There is no shame in breaking up each assignment over multiple days or to do part in the morning and part in the evening.  Go at your own pace.

All that being said, let's talk about the assignments for today.

Make your bed.  We're going to making the bed every day from now on.  I know it may sound a bit silly, but trust me on this.  This little step adds a whole lot to the feel of the room.

Get your containers together.  From now on, while in the process of cleaning and getting rid of all the clutter, we're going to have a trash bag (big or small), a container for donations, and a container (or two) for things that don't belong in the room.  What the container is doesn't matter.  Boxes, bags, baskets, whatever.  Maybe you don't have anything to donate, or all that stuff actually belongs to you.  Adjust accordingly.  Don't do anything with the containers today.  Just have them.

Do some laundry.  Look around.  Do you have clean laundry sitting around your room that needs to be folded and put away?  Do it.  Then put another load into the wash.

Update on the We-Vibe Touch

After a few days, We-Vibe got back to me, told me it sounds like my unit is defective.  They advised me to send it back, they'd check it over, and if necessary, send me a new one from their New York location.  They also advised me what I needed to put on the customs form.

Crap.  Customs form.  We-Vibe is a Canadian company, and to be checked, my vibe must go back to Canada.  So, I get to go and stand in line at the post office, which will be PACKED right now, and pay to have my defective unit sent back, and fill out customs forms.  That sounds like quite a bit of a hassle, especially since our local post office cut their hours WAY back, and anyone I'll be standing in line with will be eight shades of pissed off.  Maybe I should just get a new one...I do have enough Eden points for it, but those were earmarked for something else.

Decisions, decisions.  Well, I'll let you know what I decide to do.

Anyway, coming up later today, look for day 2 of the SBS Project.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

SBS Project Day 1

I want to be very careful about how I proceed here.  By "day" I merely mean a chunk of time.  It can be literally one day (it will be for me) or you can stretch it out over a couple of days.  Anyway, I'm digressing already.  So here's my strategy for the first day.

Lay down the law.  As you saw in the intro, my kids are always hanging out in my room and dumping their stuff in there.  I have now made it very, very clear that the space belongs to Mom and Dad.  All others may only enter upon permission.  Anything that goes into the room with a child comes out of the room with the child.  Absolutely no Legos.  Do you need a similar law?  Do it.  Do it with kindness and compassion, without blame, but be firm.

If this sounds a little harsh, remember: this is a haven and a sanctuary.  Not a closet.  Not a playroom.  They have the rest of the house for that.

Take care of the sheets. Take a look at your sheets and quilts or blankets.  Are they in good condition?  Do you love them?  If so, wash them, then make the bed.  If your bed linens needs some help, try to get new if you can afford it.  If you can't, wash and dry them and make your bed as best you can.  Having bed clothes you love can actually go a long way.

Remove all obvious trash.  Any trash cans or bags of trash that need to be emptied?  Go do it.  I'm talking about obvious trash, not to go looking for it.  That comes later.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

The (Sexy) Bedroom Sanctuary Project...The Intro!

The bedroom Husband and I share is a very sad catchall of our lives.  Unfolded laundry.  Toys.  Papers waiting to be filed.  Piles of sand tracked in from outside.  Towers of just...stuff.  Very, very unsexy.  Not just unsexy, but unsettling!  I'm tripping over things, Husband doesn't know where his clothes are, and the kids seem to think any floor space is their playground.  I was working on it.  All of it.  Slowly, but surely...until I get tired.  And then the kids take over again.  Then all of the work is negated.

Recently, I encountered the final straw: Facetime.  For those of you that don't know, Facetime is a program that allows you to video chat on certain devices.  The kids got in the habit of talking to Husband's parents, which at first was fine.  Then, my youngest child got into a bad mood that has now lasted for 2 weeks, and when he gets mad, he goes to Facetime his grandparents.  I don't blame him for it.  He's only 5.  But, more often than not, he, and his older brother, Facetime in my bedroom.  Our bedroom.  The room I share with Husband.  It feels too much like I have way too many people in my personal space, even though those people are actually half way across the country.  Don't get me wrong, I love that they can talk to each other.  It's wonderful to have the kids occupied sometimes so Husband and I can just have a minute to breathe.  At the moment, though, I'm feeling hormonal and tired and so...crowded.  Do they know they are crowding me?  No.  It's not their issue (my kids or my inlaws).  It's my issue.  But it is an issue that desperately needs to be fixed to preserve my sanity.

Therefore, for the two reasons stated above (clutter and privacy), I am taking back our bedroom!  It is a space for myself and my husband only.  Everyone else may only enter upon invitation.  I know it's childish of me, but this is a small house and sometimes Mom just needs a little bit of space!  Space that belongs to no one else but myself and my husband.  This is where we talk.  Where we argue.  Where we love.  Where we dream.  Where we cuddle.  Where we nurse each other in illness.  Where we reassure each other.  Where we need to be at the end of the day.  It is our space, and doesn't deserve to be treated like the whole family's closet and conference room.  I am making a stand and taking it back.  I will make it into the sanctuary it is meant to be!

In the next few weeks, I'm going to be setting aside chunks of time and give myself assignments to complete in the bedroom.  When it is all over (I don't know when that will be until I write out a schedule), I will have the bedroom that we deserve.  I'll be posting what I'm doing, so everyone is free to follow along and do their own SBS Project.  Join me?  I think you'll want to.

Monday, November 12, 2012

The Holidays are Coming Up...

~This sponsored post was brought to you by Eden Fantasys.~

It's not even Thanksgiving yet, but people are starting to get their Christmas lists together.  If you've been waiting for a special occasion to get a really nice toy, this may be the time.  Want something, but don't know what?  Here are a few of my picks that I have tried and loved.

For Her: A wand vibrator, also called a massager.  Wand vibrators come in a variety of sizes, qualities, strengths, and colors.  Some are rechargeable, some run on batteries, some plug in to the wall.  The most well known is the Hitachi Magic Wand, which I currently own.  Many high-end companies are now coming out with their own version of wand vibrators, like the Lelo Smart Wand.  Even though wands are made for external use, you can buy attachments for some of them that allow them to be used internally, such as the Gee Whiz.


For Him:  Male Maturbator.  Honestly, this is an area that Husband and I are just learning about.  So many of our toys are female-centric, or female-centric that we learn how to use as a couple.  I wanted to get something for him, something high-quality.  The problem was that neither of us were sure if he'd like that kind of toy, since he'd never had one.  We came upon the Tenga Egg, which is a disposable one.  He loved it and now I'm on the hunt for a long-lasting toy that we can use together.  Or apart.  Or both.
Photo Credit Eden Fantasys


For the Couple: Vibrator and Massager.  I'm in love with the We-Vibe Touch for sex with Husband.  In certain positions it fits between us, is rechargeable, and made of silicone.  I also love the Contour M by JimmyJane for actual muscle massages.  Simple to use, made of ceramic, and doesn't hurt our hands.
We-Vibe Touch


JimmyJane Contour M

For info on female orgasm: The book!  I Love Female Orgasm is a book that I wouldn't be without now.  The book is all encompassing, so not all of the information will be relevant to every one.  However, the book is full of fantastic information.

Photo Credit Eden Fantasys

*     *     *

All that being said, what am I getting?  I've got my eye on a couple of things.  I'm thinking about getting Husband the Tenga Flip Hole.  And as a gift for us, my next order will probably be the Jopen Ego e3, and maybe these feathery things, just because I find them amusing.





Sex toys - EdenFantasys adult toys storeIf you want to start browsing, you may want to check out the Eden Fantasys promotion page for current sales.  Don't forget, if you buy from Eden, you get points which can applied to the next order.  Or, save up a lot of points to use on something big.  Points can even be used to pay for shipping.  It's up to you.  It's one of the (many) reasons I usually do my shopping there.  For more info on how the point system works, check out the points page.





~This sponsored but honest post was brought to you by Eden Fantasys.~

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Talking about Oral: Fellatio

So, for shear simplicity, I did decide to break up male and female oral into separate posts, otherwise this post would be really long.  For now, we are going to talk about the infamous blow job: women performing oral sex on men, otherwise known as fellatio.  Fun fact: I never came across the word "fellatio" until after I was married, and then I saw it in one of those better sex books.  Apparently, it was one of those words that I should have known, and you should, too!

Anyway, the reactions to this specific act are varied from "Eww!" to "Awesome!" but the act itself is very common.  How common?  Depending on the study you are reading, anywhere between 80-97% of people are reported to have at least tried it. Where does that leave the rest of the population who haven't tried?  Well, it just means they haven't tried or aren't interested, that's all.

This is one activity that Husband absolutely loves, but for a long time I absolutely hated it.  I found it boring, physically uncomfortable, unromantic, and impersonal.  When he asked me for it, I went along with him, but I certainly didn't enjoy it.  But I wanted to!  My issue was how to get from where I was to where I wanted to be.  Here's what I've learned about it, myself, and us.

I want to feel involved.    It was years before I came out and told him that one of the major issues I had with fellatio is that I feel like I might as well not be there.  Like I was interchangeable with any other person or masturbation.  I wanted it to be about me.  Moreover, I wanted it to be about us.  When he is in a position where I can't really see his face, and he doesn't bother touching me, I am very unhappy.  After I got up the courage to talk to him about this, he did a little reading on his own to try to understand why I felt this way.  I'm happy to say he now understands and this is no longer an issue.

I have the control here.  Something that has really helped me to be able to see oral sex differently is   going back and forth between two different (but related) mentalities.  First, I'm giving an act of love.  He likes oral sex, and I want to do something loving for him because I can.  The second, as silly as it may sound, is knowing I have the power and the ability to give someone else pleasure.  Inner sex goddess and whatnot.

Teeth aren't fun.  Seriously, watch the teeth.

Time is an issue.  This is something I'm very upfront about.  After a while, fellatio hurts my neck and shoulders (we do it lying down).  After about 15 minutes I have to stop, unless I just happen to be really into it that day.  Upon doing some checking, it looks like a limit of around 15 minutes is pretty average as far as stamina and comfort go.  Husband tries his best to act accordingly, unless I'm giving him signals that he can take his time.  I felt a need to say this because I've heard of men thinking their women are faking discomfort after a while.  Hint: they aren't faking.  If this is a problem in your relationship, this is certainly something that needs to be addressed.

Research is my friend.  If I feel like looking up a new technique, I do.  In fact, I have two books that are exclusively about fellatio, and a few more that mention a little bit about it.  However, keep in mind that each man is unique and not everyone likes the same kind of stimulation.  If I'm not sure if he'll like it, I ask.  It's that simple.

It is what I make it.  If I decide I'm not going to enjoy it, that's what is going to happen.  I muddle through it, just desperate for it to be over.  If I decide that I'll enjoy it, then I do.

Even though I don't go running to oral sex as my favored activity, I no longer hate it.  I even initiate it at times.  I'm even...dare I say it?...starting to like it.  But, like all things in the bedroom, communication is key.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Coming Up Next...

I've gotten a few questions and comments about blow jobs, everything from whether it's OK to talk about, how normal it is to do or not do it, and when it is and is not OK to ask for one.

This is a subject that's going to take a day or two to write up, especially since I just got another (yes, another!) book on it in the mail about 10 minutes ago.

I have yet to decide if I'm going to do male receiving and female receiving in the same post, or break it up into two.  Either way, that's what I'll be talking about next.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Basic Guide to Sex Toys

For those that are new to sex toys, the sheer number of types, companies, and materials can be overwhelming.  Where to start if you're new?  If you don't know what you're looking for?  Sex Toys 101 is not exactly taught in sex ed.

Of course, there are way too many for me to cover everything, but here is a basic list that should be helpful.

Vibrators

A vibrator is any toy that is made to stimulate the genital or anal area and vibrates.  That being said, there are several different kinds, and a toy may fit into more than one category.  For instance, the G4 Big Boss is a vibrating dildo, but is also a G-Spot dildo because of the curve.

Clitoral Vibrators: A clitoral vibrator is just that.  It's made to vibrate the external part of the clitoris and is generally not made for insertion.
The We-Vibe Touch clitoral vibrator.

Vibrating Dildos/Vaginal Vibrator: A vibrating dildo is a vibrator made for vaginal stimulation.
The G4 Big Boss vibrating dildo.


Rabbit Vibrator/Dual Stimulation Vibrator: A rabbit or dual stimulation vibrator is generally a dildo with an arm that stimulates the clitoral area and vaginal area simultaneously.
Lelo Ina 2 high-end rabbit vibrator.
Photo Credit Eden Fantasys



G-Spot Vibrator: A G-spot vibrator is made to stimulate a woman's G-spot from the inside.  These usually have a curve or bulb on the end.  Sometimes the whole thing is curved.
The Uma G-Spot vibrator.
Photo credit Eden Fantasys


Wands/Massagers: Vibrating wands, sometimes marketed as massagers, have a long handle and a bulbous vibrating head.  They may be battery powered, rechargeable, or be able to be plugged in.  They are external vibrators and are NOT meant to be inserted.  However, there are companies that sell attachments that fit on the head that have a protrusion that you can insert, such as the Gee Whizzard.
Hitachi Magic Wand


Prostate/Anal Vibrator: Self-explanatory, yes?  Same as a vaginal vibrator, but made for anal or prostate stimulation.
Jopen's Ego e4 high-end prostate vibrator
Photo credit Eden Fantasys


Non-Vibrating Toys


A non-vibrating toy is, obviously, a toy made for some kind of stimulation but does not vibrate.

Dildo/Vaginal Stimulator:  This is a toy that is generally, but not always, phallic shaped, and used for vaginal stimulation.
Rainbow Heart Dildo

Prostate Massagers/Plugs:  For men, a prostate massager is a toy that massages the prostate from the inside.  A plug is made for anal stimulation in either sex.  Both may or may not vibrate.
Lelo's Bob Pleasure Object Prostate Massager
Photo Credit Eden Fantasys

Njoy Pure Plugs
Photo Credit Eden Fantasys

G-Spot Dildos: A G-spot dildo is a toy designed to stimulate the G-spot.  It may or may not vibrate.
The Pink Flowered Friend is a G-spot dildo.

Vaginal Exercisers: A vaginal exerciser is a toy that is made to strengthen vaginal muscles.  They may be called Kegel Exercisers, and often come in some round/ball shape, but not always.

Fun Factory's Teneo Uno and Duo are Kegel exercisers.
Male Masturbators: These are toys specifically for men to masturbate with but can also be used with couples as foreplay or to replace oral sex or mutual masturbation by hand.  They can be disposable or reusable, realistic or fanciful.
The Tenga Egg disposable masturbator
Photo Credit Eden Fantasys

Couple's Toys/Vibrators

Couple's Toys/Vibrators are toys that are made to be used together, but usually can also be used alone.  They can be anything from sensual wear to vibrators that are made to be worn or used during partnered sex.

We-Vibe 3 Couple's Vibrator
Ego e3
Photo Credit Eden Fantasys

Monday, November 5, 2012

Basic Guide to Lubricants

Sometimes, I'm minding my own business, reading a review of a silicone toy, when I see something like this: "You can use any lube with this."'

Oh.  My.  Goodness.  That's...that's not right.  You can not use ANY kind of personal lubricant with a silicone toy.  No.  Just...no.

There are basically two kinds of sexual lubricants: water based and silicone based.  You could argue that oil/petroleum based lubricants count as a third kind, but we won't get into that today.

Water Based
Water based lubricants are the ones that most people are the most familiar with.  If I say KY Jelly, most people will nod their heads and know what I'm talking about.  KY Jelly is water based.

Water based lubricant is excellent to have because it is compatible with just about any sex toy.  In fact, in the instructions of just about every sex toy I've ever had, water based lubricant was recommended.  It comes in a wide variety of thicknesses, ingredients (both natural and synthetic), and flavors.  Yes, flavors!  Some people go for this kind of lubricant because it is so widely available.  Every store with a family planning section will have at least one variety.

The downside of water based lubricants is, from my experience, you will need to reapply fairly often.

A few example brands of water based lubricants include KY Jelly and Sliquid Organics Gel.

Silicone Based
I prefer silicone to water based lubricants because it just seems to last longer.  Those that engage in mutual masturbation or anal sex find that to be a plus.

Honestly, I love how long the silicone lasts compared to water based lubricants.  However, I also greatly love silicone toys.  And guess what?  The two do not go together.  I know, it's somewhat counter-intuitive, but silicone products should be kept away from other silicone products.  They destroy each other.  That's why you can't use just any lubricant with any toy.

The downside of silicone lubricants, in addition to the fact that they can't be used with silicone toys, is that it takes a little more effort to get it off your skin/sensitive bits.  Not overly difficult, but a little harder than water based lubricants.

An example of silicone lubricant is Better Sex Essentials Silicone Lubricant.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

OK, I had to get that off my chest.  In other news, I submitted my warranty claim for my We-Vibe Touch this morning and was alerted that it may be a few days before they get back to me.  When I know more, so will you.

Also coming up soon we'll be talking about oral sex and a basic guide to sex toys.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

My We-Vibe Touch Broke Part 1

I love my We-Vibe Touch.  Love it.  It's one of the best sex toy purchases I ever made.  I wasn't crazy about it at first, but after a few uses, it grew on me and I saw it for the awesome toy that it is.  But, the other night when I reached over for my beloved Touch, I found something to be amiss.  I pushed the button the bottom.  Nothing happened.  I tried again.  A high pitched warbling sound, then nothing.  Husband and I just looked at each other, sad and confused.

Dun Dun Duuuun!

Now, here is one of the many, many reasons I always recommend that people spend a little more money (or shopper points, if you are part of a site that does that) when they shop for toys.  If a cheaper toy fails, you're stuck.  You get what you get with those.  There's no warranty, no guarantees, although some good shops/websites may let you return or exchange them for a new one if it arrives broken.  Personally, with cheap toys, I find it's really not worth the hassle of returns.  With more expensive/quality/luxury toys, like the We-Vibe Touch, you get a warranty.  And lets be honest: if I'm going to spend $70+ in money, points, or a combination of the two, I want to be able to get it fixed or get a replacement if something goes wrong.

The Touch happens to come with a one year warranty.  I'm about to start the warranty process, of which the first step involves sending them an email with my purchase information and what the problem is, followed by receiving shipping information from them, then sending the Touch back, and last receiving a replacement.  I have no reason to think the process won't go smoothly.  I've heard great things about We-Vibe's customer service.

Now to see how they handle it.  For me, a company shines or fails in this area.  A company that snubs me as a customer will never see me again.  A company with great customer service will have me coming back.  But, like I said, I have no reason to think it will go badly.  I'll keep you posted.

Friday, November 2, 2012

The No-No Rule

My circle of friends have been talking about the No-No Rule for a few years now.  Never heard of the No-No Rule?  It's pretty simple and it goes like this: When one partner wants to have sex, the other partner doesn't say no without reason (like exhaustion, illness, lots of stress, etc), thus the "no no," as in, don't say no.  One friend calls it her "Okay! Rule," as in she emphatically says, "Okay!"

I know, I know, the idea of it being a "rule" sounds awfully strict.  Maybe even a turn off for some.  If you wish, think of it more as a guideline.  Both partners still retain the right to say no (no one can take away that right!), it just causes them to pause and think about why they are saying no, how often they are saying it, and the affect it may be having in the relationship.

Before you say that sounds awfully sexist, know that the rule goes both ways.  Notice I didn't say, "When the husband wants to have sex, the wife doesn't say no without good reason."  Marriage and affection is, after all, a two way street.

So, what's with this "rule" and why do I think it's important to note?  Well, I've noticed that lack of sex, or sex that occurs only occasionally, in marriage seems to really gnaw at people and cause arguments, even if the irritable partner is the one that doesn't want to have sex.  And, since it seems that a lack of sex causes lack of desire to have sex (to my friends and I, anyway), we like this rule because it keeps sex from being too infrequent.  Friends of mine swear it has increased intimacy, changed attitudes about sex, and saved relationships.  Of course, that's if lack of sex and intimacy is the actual problem in the first place, not something deeper like depression, abuse, or a physical ailment.

Some worry that if they try this "rule," their partner will abuse the privilege.  It's a legitimate concern, and so many people that try the No-No Rule don't tell their partners that they're doing it, at least not at first.  As they progress with it, some people claim that instead of their partners taking advantage of it and being demanding, the opposite happens.  They become more in tune with their partners and have a better understanding of when is and is not a good time to ask for sex.  In fact, I've only heard once of a husband abusing the rule when his wife was using it, but even that was more of a problem with timing.  A frank talk in which she told him that waking her up in the middle of the night several times a week was not OK solved the problem.

Will this philosophy work for you?  I can't answer that.  I know it's worked for me and my circle of friends.  But again, this sort of philosophy is for when lack of intimacy is the core issue, not just a symptom of something bigger.  And remember, as in all things in marriage, communication is key.