Sunday, December 30, 2012

Bath Time

A few days ago, our washing machine broke.  We knew it was coming.  The unconscionably expensive thing started to go down hill very fast as soon as the warranty was out of date.  We bought a new one that--get this--sings little tunes at the end of each cycle.  Yes, I know, it's not exactly a selling point, but come on.  It sings.  And now, I can do full loads of clothes and they come out clean in just one cycle!  It turns out that being able to significantly cut down on the amount of laundry I'm behind on puts me in one heck of a good mood.  A friendly mood.  A nice mood.

I was going to go get a shower and Husband was coming with me.  We do that often.  It's a habit we got into long ago, and 99% of the time it's not a sexual thing.  Just a habit we have.  It's a time where we stop, talk about our day, our plans, and just reconnect for a few private moments when the kids are in bed.  I felt like doing something special for him, and whipped up some more vanilla lemon sugar scrub to use on him.  I washed him with a new, fluffy wash cloth and some eucalyptus mint soap, followed by exfoliating him with the sugar scrub.

It's amazing how just the simple act of washing each other, that simple act of care, affection, and love draw us together, no matter how far apart our minds had been a few minutes before.  The stress of the day just melts and for a few moments we are simply together.  There's no pressure, no worries, no responsibilities dragging us in a multitude of directions.  We are simply sharing a small space and being who we are together.  We feel comforted, calm, loved.  If we make love after these moments, it is often the best we have.  Taking that time out allows both of us to be in tune with the other's needs and desires.  Sometimes we try something new.  Sometimes we fall on old, comforting standards.  Either way, that level of connection can't be beat.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Bimini Ocean Review

I had been eyeing Fun Factory's Bimini Ocean for months.  It seemed like the perfect size and shape for me, and, it's ridiculously cute looking.  Not cutesy in the worst-combination-of-pink-and-sparkles-I've-ever-seen kind of way that seems to practically be a trademark of lower quality toys, but an aesthetically appealing, fun-without-overdoing-it beauty.

Bimini Ocean via
A little bit about it: The Bimini Ocean is a rechargeable dual action/rabbit vibrator.  There is a curl on the end for G-spot stimulation, and a curl towards the base above the operating buttons for clitoral stimulation.  The shaft and curls are made out of silicone, and the base is made of plastic.  It's rechargeable, waterproof, has multiple speeds and patterns, and is relatively quiet.

Packaging: The vibe came in two piece packaging: the outer sleeve and the inner box.  The outer sleeve is classy, but not really discreet.  One side there is a large photo of the Bimini Ocean, on the other is a small photo of a woman in a camisole, but it's tastefully done.  The inner box is that strange copper/gold/silver color that I've only seen on Fun Factory packages.  I don't even know what to call that color.  Like...bronze with a touch of silver?  Anyway, it's a nice box that can be used for storage or even gifting, if you so choose.  The only graphics on the inner box are a red circle with "Fun Factory" written in white, and "Your Perfect Moment" written in red.

What I loved:   The intensity of the vibrations is just right.  If Hitachi is a 5, the Bimini Ocean is a solid mid-to-high 4, which is strong enough to have some definite pleasurable oomph without being too strong or too weak.

I'm not really sure what to make of the vibrations themselves.  I can't really call them rumbly, but I certainly can't call them buzzy.  It's a mix between the two.  Although I hate buzzy vibrations, this mix is not too bad at all.

I've found that the Bimini Ocean is also great to use as an external clitoral vibe during sex with Husband.  It's nice and soft, and not so big that it's intrusive, especially in the woman on top/cowgirl position.

What I didn't:  The angle of the G-spot curl isn't quite steep enough for me to get pleasure out of it unless I tilt the base way down so the tip goes up.  Then it hits my G-spot nicely, but the angle takes the clitoral curl off my clitoris.  It seems, unfortunately, that with the Bimini Ocean I can have clitoral stimulation or G-spot stimulation, but not both at once.  I have to say that was actually somewhat expected since everyone's anatomy is different.  No toy is going to work for everyone.

Final thought:  I like this one.  I'm not over the moon in love with it because it doesn't fit my anatomy just right, but I quite liked it.  The fact that it can easily double as an external clitoral vibrator and do it well is enough for me to recommend it.  Even if it doesn't fit a person's anatomy, it will be far from useless.

~I received this item at a discount in exchange for writing a review on another site.~

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Bedroom Misadventures Episode 3

Husband has always wanted to have sex in a car.  I don't get that, but it's something incredibly exciting for him.  One night, I finally agreed.  It was late, the kids were asleep, most of our neighboring houses were empty, and the vehicle we had at the time had tinted windows.  We would not be seen unless someone literally invaded our property.  Husband could finally have his little fantasy and nothing questionable would happen.

We walked out to the car (fully clothed).  Husband unlocked the door and pulled it open.

Then the car alarm went off.

We're not talking about a tiny little beep beep here.  It was a loud, repeating honk as the very bright lights flashed over and over.  Husband hurried to try to get it to turn off, but he didn't know how.  The car was new to us (we no longer have it now), and it took some figuring out.  When he finally got it to turn off, we slunk, red-faced, back into the house.

A short time later, he went outside.  When he didn't come back, I went to go see what he was up to.  He was standing outside, waiting for me.  He coaxed me into trying again and opened the car door.

The car alarm went off.  Again.

Do you ever feel like someone is trying to tell you something?

Monday, December 17, 2012

Jopen Key Io Review

Jopen, Jopen, Jopen.  I wanted to love you ever so much, but I don't.  Not at all.

If you recall, I wasn't particularly crazy about Jopen's Ego e3, which is the very first Jopen toy I bought.  Key Io would be the second that I own and, I'm sorry to say, possibly the last.  I knew I didn't like California Exotics's wares, and I knew Jopen is their company, but since Jopen is a luxury line, I thought I would at least be semi-pleased.  Not so much.

A little bit about it:  The Jopen Key Io is a vibrator that I can't tell if it is trying to be a clitoral vibe, vaginal vibe, or both.  It's relatively short (Jopen calls it a "mini massager"), so I doubt it will do much for vaginal use.  I'm guessing it is supposed to be a clitoral vibe.

The vibrator itself is made of hard, smooth, ABS plastic with a "stainless alloy" power button, runs off of a single AA battery, and comes in raspberry, lavender, and blue (which is more like aqua).  Each vibe comes with two silicone sleeves in a slightly lighter color.  These sleeves slip over the top of the vibe and are held in place by friction and slight tension (and I mean slight).  One of the sleeves is smooth, and one has bumps.
The bumpy sleeve.  The other sleeve looks exactly like this one, but smooth.

Packaging:  The Io comes in a sturdy cardboard box.  There is an outer protective sleeve that, though it is not exactly discreet, is not horrible, either.  When you remove the outer sleeve, you find the inner box, which opens like a book and reveals the vibe resting in a bed of foam.

Outer Sleeve
Inner Box

What I loved:  Hahahahahaha!

OK, I guess if I have to pick something nice to say, I like being able to pick a blue-ish toy over the standard pinks and purples.

What I didn't:  Everything.  First off, I broke my rule about batteries.  I almost always get a rechargeable toy or a toy that plugs in because I just hate dealing with batteries.  Most high end toys are rechargeable anyway.  Still, I decided to give this one a try.  I mean, Jopen is a luxury line, right?  How bad can it be, even if it does run off of batteries?

It turns out this toy is a fail from start to finish.  First off the settings suck.  Although there are 5 vibration patterns, there is only one speed, and it's pretty weak.  If the Hitachi is a 5, and the We-Vibe Touch is a 4, then this is somewhere between a 2 and a 3.  I need at least a 4.  Further, not only are the vibrations weak, they are very buzzy.  I, like many, many other people, prefer rumbly.  Honestly, to me buzzy vibrations are the hallmark of a cheap or poorly designed toy.

Now, let's talk about that button.  It is very sensitive and in a bad place.  I accidentally hit it several times during use, thereby changing the settings when I didn't mean to.

Now the sleeves.  They are OK.  Nothing particularly special.  The don't grip the toy all that well, and I have a suspicion that they're just there so people like me, who are suckers for silicone, will take a closer look.

Final thought:  I can't recommend this toy to anyone.  After using it, I just felt like it was a mediocre toy that Jopen was trying to pass off as high-end by slapping their name on it.  Weak, buzzy vibrations make this toy completely useless.

Although I received this as my monthly free review assignment from Eden Fantasys, Husband wanted to know how much they sell for.

"Fifty," I replied.

"Fifty?" he asked.  "Seriously?  For that?"

I wanted to give Jopen another chance after letting me down so much with the e3.  I wanted to be excited and amazed.  But, I really ended up feeling like this:


~I received this item for free in exchange for writing an honest review on another site.~

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Life Choices: a Rant

Husband and I were on our way home from errands when he casually mentioned a bit of a financial argument between a mutual friend and his wife.

"Our system works great," Husband says.  "When you want something, you come and ask for it."

"Usually you say no," I blurted out.  Wait, who just said that?

Husband was equally confused.  "What?  No, I don't.  The most I ask you to do is wait a week."

He was right.  He very rarely says no, and I know that.  So why did I say it?  Where did it come from?  Clearly, I don't exactly feel deprived, and usually I get what I want, I just have to ask for it, and I'm good with that.  He keeps better track of the finances than I do, so I have no issue checking with him before making any purchases.  But, I had hurt his feelings and he started to question how I feel about the life we are living and whether I really was happy with our status quo.  It took a while, but I finally convinced that I'm happy, because I am.  So why did I bristle when he said that?  It's what we do, after all, and I'm good with it.

"It felt weird hearing it out loud," I said to Husband later.  "Really, I'm fine.  I'm happy.  I don't know where that came from."

It took a while of self-examination to find why that comment had fallen from my mouth.  It comes down to this: I hate having to defend my life decisions to other women.  As a stay-at-home mom, I face some really backhanded comments.

 "You mean you finished college?  And you stay home?  Wasn't that a waste of money?"

"Oh, you know how to bake things?  Isn't that cute.  I just buy my baked goods from the store."

"You won't come out drinking with us?  Aw, you poor thing."

But that's not all.  Those statements are kind compared to a rather snarky article that I just finished reading, titled "1% Wives are Killing Feminism and Make War on Women Possible." With really epic statements like "To be a stay-at-home mom is a privilege, and most of the housewives I have ever met -- none of whom do anything around the house -- live in New York City and Los Angeles, far from Peoria," [emphasis mine] and "I have to admit that when I meet a woman who I know is a graduate of, say, Princeton -- one who has read The Second Sex and therefore ought to know better -- but is still a full-time wife, I feel betrayed," and let's not forget "Being a mother isn't a real job," it's no wonder I'm sick to death of defending MY personal choices.  And what kind of bubble world does that woman live in, anyway, when she thinks that people like me turn over our kids to nannies, our houses over to servants, and just go be perpetual 14-year-olds?  Is she serious?  And then she says it's the housewives that makes the war on women possible?  Well, you know what?  I don't feel attacked by other housewives.  I don't feel attacked by men.  Who I do feel attacked by, more often than the author of the article would like to believe, are self proclaimed feminists who have decided that they know what's best for all women everywhere.  It seems to my tiny little stay-at-home mom, unfulfilled brain that it's actually sentiments like this that make the war on women possible and perpetuate the "Mommy Wars."  I don't stand here and judge other women whether they work or stay home, and I don't tolerate those that have that kind of sentiment towards me.

But, if we would just follow her lead, it seems, we'd all be happy, full-functioning adults.  Yes, by her definition, I am not an adult because I don't have a paycheck with my name on it.  Shame on me.  Clearly, I am leading to the downfall of society.

Now we circle back to Husband.  Why did I make such a hard (and untrue) remark towards him?  It was a knee-jerk reaction after hearing comment after comment after comment.

So here's the thing: I was presented with a choice, and I made it.  Other people will choose something different.  I don't judge them, and I certainly don't expect them to judge me.  We are all just trying to find where we fit in this life.  Right now, I fit right where I am.  May everyone have the opportunity to be able to just be where they function best with what they have.

In the end, I don't have power over how other people see me, but I do have power over how I see myself.  Yes, some people will rant and rave on how I'm a bad woman because I chose a traditionally female role, but guess what?  That's where I happen to fit.  I'm not going to push myself into misery to make someone I've never met happy with my life choices.  Being guilted into a role that I'm not comfortable in is no better than pushing a woman into being a housewife when she's miserable being one.  It's about choice.  I've made mine.  Now everyone else can make theirs.  I don't judge.  Accord me the same respect.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Why I love Fun Factory Toys (and a little plug for Eden Fantasys)

~This sponsored post was brought to you by Eden Fantasys.~

Fun Factory Smartballs
Today I realized I have 4 Fun Factory toys: 3 different exercisers and a vibrator.  For some reason, I keep coming back to Fun Factory toys again and again.  Even when I'm just window shopping for what I might like to review or try next, I constantly look at what FF is currently offering, but why?  Well, I've narrowed it down to several reasons.

1. Rechargeable.  Not all of Fun Factory's things are rechargeable, and in fact, items like Smartballs aren't powered at all, but a very large amount of their offerings are.  I'm particularly a fan of their "Click 'n' Charge" technology.  In plain English, it's a charger that holds on magnetically.  Although some people complain that the charger can get knocked off rather easily, I haven't had too much of a problem with it.

Fun Factory G4 Big Boss
2. Nice materials.   I'm a sucker for silicone.  It feels nice (it can be smooth, velvety, or somewhere in between), it's body safe (no questionable chemicals like "jelly" toys have), and it is super easy to clean.

3. Quality.  My original set of Smartballs saw a lot of use over a few years before they started to show any kind of wear.  I've had my Teneo Uno and Duo for a few months, with no issues.  Same with my G4 Big Boss.

4. Tons of choices. Whether you need an Kegel exerciser, a G-spot vibrator, a clitoral vibrator, a combo clitoral and vaginal toy, a prostate massager, or a couple's toy, Fun Factory has it in tons of fabulous colors, not just your typical pinks and purples.  Who is sick of pinks an purples?  This gal!

With all that being said, the next toy on my list happens to be a Fun Factory toy: the Bimini Ocean.  I'm super excited about it, and will probably be receiving it in the next week or so.

Want to try a Fun Factory toy yourself?  Right now, if you buy any of these toys at Eden Fantasys, you get a free, fun little extra to go with it (your choice of Sensual Cooling Gel or Kissable Glamour Powder).  And, a little birdy tells me that from December 17th to December 21st there will be free standard shipping on every order, free 2nd day air shipping on orders over $90, and free next day air on shipping over $120.  You're welcome.

Sex toys - EdenFantasys adult toys store

~This sponsored but honest post was brought to you by Eden Fantasys.~

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Of Love and Sick Days (and a recipe!)

My youngest child has an amazingly strong immune system.  He always has.  A few years ago, a really nasty flu went around that had the ability to knock the infected into bed and keep them there for a week.  Husband and I felt like death for days and days.  When my little one came down with it, he had it for a few hours, and that's it.

Which leads me to now.  A few days ago, he came down with a mild sore throat, a bit of a headache, but mostly a runny nose.  He wasn't happy, but he was fine.  Yesterday, I came down with the same illness, except mine is a severe sore throat, a pounding headache, nausea, shaky muscles, really painful sneezing, coughing, tightness in my chest, exhaustion, and a runny nose.  Nice.  Mama wants her pillow and to be left alone for a while.

So, last night I went to make my special I-feel-like-utter-crap tea, the key ingredient of which is ginger. When I went to make some, I found my ginger root had gone bad.  My valiant Husband came to the rescue and went out to pick up some ginger root and lemon so I could make it.  How I love him.

Now, on to the recipe for the ginger tea.  I make this every time one of us comes down with a nasty cold or flu.  I'm not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV, but this tea always makes us feel a little bit better.  Lots of people make a tea similar to this during sick times.  Honestly, I don't care if it's a placebo effect or not, since it allows me to swallow freely for a few minutes and at least think I feel better for a while.  All that being said, here is the recipe

Ginger Lemon Tea

Fresh ginger root
Lemon, cut into wedges
Honey, preferably raw (optional)

Take the ginger root and cut off a 1-2 inch section.  You can cut more or less to taste.  More will give a spicier tea, less a milder tea.  If you cut too much, it's OK.  You can always add some hot water to your cup to lessen the spiciness.  After you've cut off the section, peel it and cut it into thin slices.

Then, take your thin slices and put them in a pot of water.  I never measure the water, but I'd say it's about 4-6 cups worth.  Bring to a boil.  Once it reaches boiling, turn it down and simmer for about 20 minutes or so.

Strain out the ginger root, or leave it in and just ladle from the pot (I do).  Once in your cup, squeeze a lemon wedge into the cup (make sure you remove seeds).  Enjoy.

Note: Some people add honey to this tea.  If you want to, go for it.  Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.  I suggest local raw honey, if you have access to it.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Another (and hopefully final) update on the Touch

After contacting We-Vibe, they suggested that the issue may be static electricity and gave me some tips for correcting it.  They graciously said that if I continue to have issues, I will not be required to send back this one, but they would lab test a new one before they sent it out to me.

Satisfied customer right here.  I can go back to recommending them with no reservations.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

A (very angry) update on the We-Vibe Touch (Updated)

If you've been following along (part 1, part 2, part 3), you know that my We-Vibe Touch broke under warranty.  International shipping is ridiculous, but I sent it back anyway.  Well, today I was delighted when my replacement came.  I took it out and charged it, and then went to turn it on.

It, also, is broken.

This is where I get annoyed, since I don't want to pay for international shipping again (I didn't want to do it the first time) for something that is not my fault.

I'm going to be getting in touch with We-Vibe again and see what can be done.

Update:  For some reason, the Touch spontaneously started working right after I contacted We-Vibe and I haven't had an issue since.  Now I don't know what to think.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Jopen Ego e3 Review

If you've done any research on sex toys, you've probably run across the Jopen line at least once.  Jopen is California Exotics's luxury line, and one that I've stayed away from for a very long time.  Not only are they very pricey, but I tend to stay away from anything made by California Exotics due to some negative experiences I've had.  However, with my We-Vibe Touch replacement not here yet (but it is on it's way) and many, many glowing reviews about it, I decided to give the Jopen Ego e3 a shot.

A little bit about it:   the Ego e3 is a penis ring made to be used during intercourse.  The penis slips through the opening in the ring and slides down to the base (you may or may not need lubricant for this part).  The vibrating shell shape then, in theory, sits against the woman's clitoris.  

The Ego e3 is rechargeable with the included USB charging cable, multi-speed, and waterproof.  To turn on, you press and hold the button on the top until the desired strength is reached, and push it once to turn it off.  There is a travel lock function to prevent an embarrassing vibrating suitcase moment which can be activated by pressing the button rapidly 3 times, and unlocking the same way.  The e3 is made of silicone, so remember that if you need some lubricant to use water-based lube only.  Silicone lubricant does not get along with silicone toys.

Packaging: This part was actually pretty nice.  The e3 package has several parts.  The outer sleeve is black, textured, and although not discreet (there is a large photo of the e3 on the back), it's not really tacky, either.  When you remove the outer sleeve, there is an inner blue box.  The box is lined with foam with shaped recesses for the vibrator and charger.

What I loved:'s waterproof, rechargeable, rumbly (not buzzy) vibrations, and made silicone.

What I didn't:  Everything else.  This vibe was a valiant effort by Jopen/CalEx to produce something amazing, and a lot of people are very pleased with it, but I hated it for several reasons.  

First, there is the strength of the vibrations.  If Hitatchi is a high 5 in strength, the We-Vibe Touch is a mid-4 in strength, then this one is a low 3.  That's extremely disappointing because for me, I need at least a 4.  A 3 doesn't cut it.

Second, even though I was really attracted to that shell shape, it failed me.  Miserably.  I thought the ridges stood out much more than they actually do and the center ridge would hit my clitoris nicely.  However, the ridges were barely raised so it didn't help anything and just gave the sense of broad, mild vibrations, where I need something a little more exact.

Third, the battery life is horrible.  And I mean horrible.  The e3 only lasts for about 20 minutes on high, and with the vibrations being so weak, 20 minutes is certainly not enough.

Final thought:  Many people have used the e3 with great success and are head over heels in love with it.  Not me.  It didn't even kind of get me close to orgasm, and it's too uncomfortable for Husband to wear if it doesn't do anything for me.  Now, if the vibrations were stronger, the center ridge more pronounced, and the battery life longer, I would love it.  As it is, I just don't like it.

~I received this product at a discount in exchange for writing an honest review on another site~