Monday, December 17, 2012

Jopen Key Io Review

Jopen, Jopen, Jopen.  I wanted to love you ever so much, but I don't.  Not at all.

If you recall, I wasn't particularly crazy about Jopen's Ego e3, which is the very first Jopen toy I bought.  Key Io would be the second that I own and, I'm sorry to say, possibly the last.  I knew I didn't like California Exotics's wares, and I knew Jopen is their company, but since Jopen is a luxury line, I thought I would at least be semi-pleased.  Not so much.

A little bit about it:  The Jopen Key Io is a vibrator that I can't tell if it is trying to be a clitoral vibe, vaginal vibe, or both.  It's relatively short (Jopen calls it a "mini massager"), so I doubt it will do much for vaginal use.  I'm guessing it is supposed to be a clitoral vibe.

The vibrator itself is made of hard, smooth, ABS plastic with a "stainless alloy" power button, runs off of a single AA battery, and comes in raspberry, lavender, and blue (which is more like aqua).  Each vibe comes with two silicone sleeves in a slightly lighter color.  These sleeves slip over the top of the vibe and are held in place by friction and slight tension (and I mean slight).  One of the sleeves is smooth, and one has bumps.
The bumpy sleeve.  The other sleeve looks exactly like this one, but smooth.

Packaging:  The Io comes in a sturdy cardboard box.  There is an outer protective sleeve that, though it is not exactly discreet, is not horrible, either.  When you remove the outer sleeve, you find the inner box, which opens like a book and reveals the vibe resting in a bed of foam.

Outer Sleeve
Inner Box

What I loved:  Hahahahahaha!

OK, I guess if I have to pick something nice to say, I like being able to pick a blue-ish toy over the standard pinks and purples.

What I didn't:  Everything.  First off, I broke my rule about batteries.  I almost always get a rechargeable toy or a toy that plugs in because I just hate dealing with batteries.  Most high end toys are rechargeable anyway.  Still, I decided to give this one a try.  I mean, Jopen is a luxury line, right?  How bad can it be, even if it does run off of batteries?

It turns out this toy is a fail from start to finish.  First off the settings suck.  Although there are 5 vibration patterns, there is only one speed, and it's pretty weak.  If the Hitachi is a 5, and the We-Vibe Touch is a 4, then this is somewhere between a 2 and a 3.  I need at least a 4.  Further, not only are the vibrations weak, they are very buzzy.  I, like many, many other people, prefer rumbly.  Honestly, to me buzzy vibrations are the hallmark of a cheap or poorly designed toy.

Now, let's talk about that button.  It is very sensitive and in a bad place.  I accidentally hit it several times during use, thereby changing the settings when I didn't mean to.

Now the sleeves.  They are OK.  Nothing particularly special.  The don't grip the toy all that well, and I have a suspicion that they're just there so people like me, who are suckers for silicone, will take a closer look.

Final thought:  I can't recommend this toy to anyone.  After using it, I just felt like it was a mediocre toy that Jopen was trying to pass off as high-end by slapping their name on it.  Weak, buzzy vibrations make this toy completely useless.

Although I received this as my monthly free review assignment from Eden Fantasys, Husband wanted to know how much they sell for.

"Fifty," I replied.

"Fifty?" he asked.  "Seriously?  For that?"

I wanted to give Jopen another chance after letting me down so much with the e3.  I wanted to be excited and amazed.  But, I really ended up feeling like this:


~I received this item for free in exchange for writing an honest review on another site.~

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