I've been debating whether or not to say anything of our failed experiments. Embarrassing, horrifying, failed attempts at new positions and toys. The more I think about it, the more I figure that this blog is about honesty. If I'm encouraging others to be open about sex with their spouses and know that it's OK to talk about, I certainly can't pretend I'm Little Miss Always Has a Perfect Love Making Session. Because, well, I don't. Sometimes I fail. Sometimes I fail epicly. All that being said, let me tell you about last night...
Husband and I are both pretty adventurous in the bedroom. We'll try just about anything once with a few exceptions (things that are obviously illegal and bringing in another person/swinging. Those are both a big, fat NO for us). Anyway, when one of us has a thought on something new to try, whether it be a new position, using a different piece of furniture, or trying a new toy or sexy activity, we bring it up to the other person. The other person gives a yes, no, maybe, not this time, ask again tomorrow, etc. There is no judgement or anger involved in any of this and the worst we can possibly say is "no." No big deal, right? Well, usually it's not.
Last night I got up the nerve to ask for something that's been running around in my head for a while. You know I do a lot of reading and research for all this blogging nonsense, right? In my travels, I pick up on new ideas. New activities. New toys and positions. Anyway, this idea (which I'm a bit too embarrassed to tell you what it was. Shut up. Don't judge me) had me curious enough to give it some deep thought, and, following our "We'll try just about anything once" mantra, I brought up the idea to Husband. He gave me a "maybe." Fine by me.
In the end, his answer ended up being a combination of "No, not my thing," and "We'll revisit the idea at a later time." Again, no big deal. It wasn't the first time either of us turned down an idea. No further discussion is necessary.
I'm a bit of a hormonal mess right now (no, I'm not pregnant, in case that's where your mind went), which for me means everything is a big deal. We had our splendid couple's time and went about our evening, but afterward I felt so awful. I felt personally rejected and embarrassed that I ever brought up such an idea. Of course, those feelings were uncalled for. He never meant to make me feel that way, but those feelings were there anyway. He picked up on my mood, but interpreted as disappointment. He tried to make me feel better, but since he misunderstood what was wrong, he failed.
He made his charmingly confused face at me when his attempts at making me feel better didn't have the desired effect. The kind of expression that makes me melt and fall in love with him all over again.
I didn't sleep well last night, and this morning I was still feeling all sorts of rejected and embarrassed. Husband reassured me that those feelings are unnecessary. He's said no to ideas before. I've said no to ideas before. So what was different about this time? Well, that would be the ball of hormones that is me at the moment. Ugh. Hey, who wants some tea? I know I do.