Thursday, September 20, 2012

Finding the Time: Dealing with Children

I can not be the only one that has had this issue.  The kids are in bed or otherwise occupied.  You quietly shut the bedroom door and turn the lock.  You think you can maybe sneak in 20 minutes before someone needs something.  You fall into bed to enjoy your time with your spouse.  3 minutes pass...

"Mom!  I need a drink of waaaaaaaaaaater!"

Sigh.  "So go get one!"


~A few seconds pass...~

"I can't find my cup!"

"Get one out of the cabinet."

~Seconds pass...~

"I can't reach them!"

I'm not alone in this, right?  If you have kids, I can nearly guarantee this has happened to you.  I love my kids, love them dearly, and wouldn't be without them, but, like every other mother/wife, sometimes I need a minute with my husband.  Here's a few tricks that work for us for our school-age children so that we can sneak away.  Note: these tricks should NOT be used with a baby, toddler, or preschooler.  Children that young need supervision and should not be left to occupy themselves.  Finding time for sex with children that young is another topic and another post.

-Declare it to be homework/reading/project time.
-Ask them to pick up their toys and watch them scatter to occupy themselves elsewhere.
-Put on a movie.
-Tell them it is "rest time."  In our house, this involves the kids getting their pillows, blankets, and special sleeping toys (yes, they both have one), and lay down to watch a movie or favorite show.
-Send them off with a trusted friend/relative for a playdate.
-Set a bedtime and enforce it.  This is our go-to and what we do most often.

What we never do:
-Give them food to occupy them.  In our opinion, this is a very dangerous thing to do and can lead to choking.  We've had to do the Heimlich on both of our kids at some point in their lives when they inhaled at the wrong time or tried to put too much food in their mouths.  The standing rule in our house is that if we aren't with you, then you aren't eating!

The biggest help to our sex life while parenting is a simple rule: too tired from being a parent is not an excuse not to find time to be intimate.  It sounds harsh, but hear me out.  Of course, sometimes we feel too tired to do anything.  It happens and that is part of life.  But, in our sex life, we never allow it to be a constant reason to not find the time to be intimate.  Occasionally, that means we find the time even when we don't feel like it, but are always glad that we took that time afterwards.

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