Sometimes, I just want to spend some time with the Husband doing something relaxing. Or fun. Or sexy. But without a sitter that can come at a drop of a hat so that Husband and I can sneak away, we have to get creative. Instead, here are some things we've done (or plan to do) that we can stay home for, are inexpensive, and can be done after the kids are in bed.
1. Have a late dinner and movie. This one is simple enough. Feed the kids dinner at a normal time, and put them to bed as usual. Later, make a special dinner (or send one partner to grab some take-out). Put on a movie or tv show that you've both been wanting to see or that is an old favorite. (Netflix, anyone?)
2. Learn some massage. Last year, Husband and I bought a portable massage table as a joint Christmas gift to each other. I can't remember the price, but I believe it was under $200 and came with a face rest, arm rest, and storage bag. Paired with a few ho-to massage books, we use it to give each other some much needed relaxation.
3. Start a project. This kind of thing may be a bit more challenging. If you can find something you both enjoy, even if it is just a jigsaw puzzle, do it together! However, beware that when doing projects tempers can sometimes flare.
4. Just sit. It sounds over simplistic, I know, but some of my fondest memories with Husband are of us just sitting out on our porch and being with each other. It's pleasant even when we have nothing to say. I guess I should say that we are to the point in our relationship where we don't feel the need to fill silence with mindless chatter.
5. Have another couple over. Plan a dinner, game night, or just some late evening social time with another couple or some close friends.
6. Try something new in the bedroom. Or living room. Or wherever. Look up a new position or sexual activity and give it a try. If you are interested, purchase a new sex toy, piece of lingerie (for him or her), or lubricant. Whatever you choose doesn't have to be a grand gesture or something crazy (although that is fun), just something new or seldom used.
7. Set the mood. Decide on what kind of evening you'd like to have. Sexy? Relaxing? Neutral? Pick your theme and go with it. Light some candles, put on some music or a movie, and see what the evening has in store.
8. DIY Spa night. Sound too girly? Think again. Most (but not all) of the DIY spa things I like for myself, Husband likes also. Nothing makes us feel better than implementing one of the many relaxing foot soak recipes that are out there, followed by a foot rub. You can also find recipes for face masks and body scrubs, both great ideas.
Those are what we do for our time together. All of them are cheap and each and every one can be done after the kids are in bed.
Do you have any cheap date night ideas? What do you do?
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Monday, September 24, 2012
Jopen's New Line of Key Vibrators
I was popping over to see what Alan and Michele were up to (howdy ho, guys!) when I noticed that they said Jopen, a luxury toy company, was coming out with a new line of oh-so-beautiful vibrators. I practically melted seeing them. Seriously, they are gorgeous. Take a look!
Are you excited for the new line? I am. I haven't dipped into any of the Jopen line (I've been hanging out with We-Vibes lately), but I think I may have to do something about these.
Are you excited for the new line? I am. I haven't dipped into any of the Jopen line (I've been hanging out with We-Vibes lately), but I think I may have to do something about these.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Sex is Disgusting
Husband and I were just sitting and relaxing, when he asked, "Do you find sex disgusting?"
Excusez-moi? What did you just ask me?
Apparently, he had run across an article that suggested that women (and possibly men), in a non-aroused state find sex disgusting, and that arousal helps them to overcome this feeling of disgust.
I don't get this. Do I believe some women, no, some people, are disgusted by sex? Sure. Do I believe that we are just wired that way? I seriously, seriously doubt it. I can imagine that being aroused would help us overcome some sort of ick or shock factor, since I'm more likely to try something new in the bedroom if I'm properly aroused first, but I don't understand the feeling of ickiness the article seems to be claiming to be linked to sex in general.
Following this line of logic, if Husband came to me, while I was say...doing the dishes... and described a new sex position he wanted to try, I should immediately feel dirty and perhaps hit him with a frying pan. But I'll tell you right now that doesn't happen. In this scenario, what actually happens is that I will either become aroused by his idea or I will acknowledge his idea with no emotion at all.
Am I alone here? Am I the only one who doesn't feel completely disgusted by the idea of sex, whether or not I'm aroused?
Excusez-moi? What did you just ask me?
Apparently, he had run across an article that suggested that women (and possibly men), in a non-aroused state find sex disgusting, and that arousal helps them to overcome this feeling of disgust.
I don't get this. Do I believe some women, no, some people, are disgusted by sex? Sure. Do I believe that we are just wired that way? I seriously, seriously doubt it. I can imagine that being aroused would help us overcome some sort of ick or shock factor, since I'm more likely to try something new in the bedroom if I'm properly aroused first, but I don't understand the feeling of ickiness the article seems to be claiming to be linked to sex in general.
Following this line of logic, if Husband came to me, while I was say...doing the dishes... and described a new sex position he wanted to try, I should immediately feel dirty and perhaps hit him with a frying pan. But I'll tell you right now that doesn't happen. In this scenario, what actually happens is that I will either become aroused by his idea or I will acknowledge his idea with no emotion at all.
Am I alone here? Am I the only one who doesn't feel completely disgusted by the idea of sex, whether or not I'm aroused?
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Finding the Time: Dealing with Children
I can not be the only one that has had this issue. The kids are in bed or otherwise occupied. You quietly shut the bedroom door and turn the lock. You think you can maybe sneak in 20 minutes before someone needs something. You fall into bed to enjoy your time with your spouse. 3 minutes pass...
"Mom! I need a drink of waaaaaaaaaaater!"
Sigh. "So go get one!"
"OK!"
~A few seconds pass...~
"I can't find my cup!"
"Get one out of the cabinet."
~Seconds pass...~
"I can't reach them!"
I'm not alone in this, right? If you have kids, I can nearly guarantee this has happened to you. I love my kids, love them dearly, and wouldn't be without them, but, like every other mother/wife, sometimes I need a minute with my husband. Here's a few tricks that work for us for our school-age children so that we can sneak away. Note: these tricks should NOT be used with a baby, toddler, or preschooler. Children that young need supervision and should not be left to occupy themselves. Finding time for sex with children that young is another topic and another post.
-Declare it to be homework/reading/project time.
-Ask them to pick up their toys and watch them scatter to occupy themselves elsewhere.
-Put on a movie.
-Tell them it is "rest time." In our house, this involves the kids getting their pillows, blankets, and special sleeping toys (yes, they both have one), and lay down to watch a movie or favorite show.
-Send them off with a trusted friend/relative for a playdate.
-Set a bedtime and enforce it. This is our go-to and what we do most often.
What we never do:
-Give them food to occupy them. In our opinion, this is a very dangerous thing to do and can lead to choking. We've had to do the Heimlich on both of our kids at some point in their lives when they inhaled at the wrong time or tried to put too much food in their mouths. The standing rule in our house is that if we aren't with you, then you aren't eating!
The biggest help to our sex life while parenting is a simple rule: too tired from being a parent is not an excuse not to find time to be intimate. It sounds harsh, but hear me out. Of course, sometimes we feel too tired to do anything. It happens and that is part of life. But, in our sex life, we never allow it to be a constant reason to not find the time to be intimate. Occasionally, that means we find the time even when we don't feel like it, but are always glad that we took that time afterwards.
"Mom! I need a drink of waaaaaaaaaaater!"
Sigh. "So go get one!"
"OK!"
~A few seconds pass...~
"I can't find my cup!"
"Get one out of the cabinet."
~Seconds pass...~
"I can't reach them!"
I'm not alone in this, right? If you have kids, I can nearly guarantee this has happened to you. I love my kids, love them dearly, and wouldn't be without them, but, like every other mother/wife, sometimes I need a minute with my husband. Here's a few tricks that work for us for our school-age children so that we can sneak away. Note: these tricks should NOT be used with a baby, toddler, or preschooler. Children that young need supervision and should not be left to occupy themselves. Finding time for sex with children that young is another topic and another post.
-Declare it to be homework/reading/project time.
-Ask them to pick up their toys and watch them scatter to occupy themselves elsewhere.
-Put on a movie.
-Tell them it is "rest time." In our house, this involves the kids getting their pillows, blankets, and special sleeping toys (yes, they both have one), and lay down to watch a movie or favorite show.
-Send them off with a trusted friend/relative for a playdate.
-Set a bedtime and enforce it. This is our go-to and what we do most often.
What we never do:
-Give them food to occupy them. In our opinion, this is a very dangerous thing to do and can lead to choking. We've had to do the Heimlich on both of our kids at some point in their lives when they inhaled at the wrong time or tried to put too much food in their mouths. The standing rule in our house is that if we aren't with you, then you aren't eating!
The biggest help to our sex life while parenting is a simple rule: too tired from being a parent is not an excuse not to find time to be intimate. It sounds harsh, but hear me out. Of course, sometimes we feel too tired to do anything. It happens and that is part of life. But, in our sex life, we never allow it to be a constant reason to not find the time to be intimate. Occasionally, that means we find the time even when we don't feel like it, but are always glad that we took that time afterwards.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Crap, is it time to have "the talk"?
The kids were watching Dirty Jobs, which they find endlessly fascinating. I mean, boys + a show about dirty things with some poop jokes thrown in every now and then = awesome. It's just simple math. But today, as it was playing on the TV, I wasn't paying attention to what Mr. Rowe was up to. And what he was up to, friends, was gathering horse semen.
Oh...I suck as a mom right now. But wait! It gets better. See, Boy #2 is too young to care about much except to be delighted that Mike Rowe is constantly getting filthy. But, Boy #1 is 8 going on 30, and he did something unexpected. He picked up on the word "semen."
"What is that? Is it like...poop?"
No. Not yet. I can't possibly be time to discuss this already. Can it? No. Please, no. But...it's a direct question, if I'm taking my own advice about sex ed, I should answer it without (obvious) embarrassment. Boy #1 knew the following facts about the human body and babies: it takes a special part of a mommy and a daddy to make a baby, the baby grows inside a special sack inside of the mommy until it's ready, and what a period is (that part is another story that has to deal with why you knock before you just walk in to the bathroom).
So here we are, with a very specific question. What is semen? I admit that I was caught unprepared, so I said, "Do you remember when we talked about it taking a part of the mom and part of a dad to make a baby?"
"Yes."
"Semen is the part of the dad."
"Oh."
In retrospect I should have explained sperm vs semen, but I was caught unawares here.
That led to Husband and I, after the kids were in bed, having our own little talk.
"Is it time? Is it time to have 'the talk'?" I asked.
"It may be. Pretty soon he's going to be getting misinformation at school [from his peers]."
No. Wasn't he just a baby yesterday? He must have been, right? RIGHT???
But...I want him to be able to ask questions. I want him to be able to come to us. I don't want him blindly following whatever his peers say. I know some people may think this is too early to talk about this, but let me put it in perspective. By the time I was 10 or 11, I had heard the following words in elementary school (I'm going to get a little graphic here. You have been warned): fuck (as a verb), fingering, sex, "doing it," frigid, and boobs, to name a few. Pretty soon, he's going to be hearing a lot of words and getting a lot of ideas. So the choice boils down to this:
-Get wrong information from his peers that we may or may not be able to fix
OR
-Get the right information from us, even though we may be uncomfortable giving it
You could make the argument that I went to a different school at a different time. But let me tell you that the other day while leaving the school, I heard one of the kids say, "The other night on Family Guy..."
Need I say more?
Oh...I suck as a mom right now. But wait! It gets better. See, Boy #2 is too young to care about much except to be delighted that Mike Rowe is constantly getting filthy. But, Boy #1 is 8 going on 30, and he did something unexpected. He picked up on the word "semen."
"What is that? Is it like...poop?"
No. Not yet. I can't possibly be time to discuss this already. Can it? No. Please, no. But...it's a direct question, if I'm taking my own advice about sex ed, I should answer it without (obvious) embarrassment. Boy #1 knew the following facts about the human body and babies: it takes a special part of a mommy and a daddy to make a baby, the baby grows inside a special sack inside of the mommy until it's ready, and what a period is (that part is another story that has to deal with why you knock before you just walk in to the bathroom).
So here we are, with a very specific question. What is semen? I admit that I was caught unprepared, so I said, "Do you remember when we talked about it taking a part of the mom and part of a dad to make a baby?"
"Yes."
"Semen is the part of the dad."
"Oh."
In retrospect I should have explained sperm vs semen, but I was caught unawares here.
That led to Husband and I, after the kids were in bed, having our own little talk.
"Is it time? Is it time to have 'the talk'?" I asked.
"It may be. Pretty soon he's going to be getting misinformation at school [from his peers]."
No. Wasn't he just a baby yesterday? He must have been, right? RIGHT???
But...I want him to be able to ask questions. I want him to be able to come to us. I don't want him blindly following whatever his peers say. I know some people may think this is too early to talk about this, but let me put it in perspective. By the time I was 10 or 11, I had heard the following words in elementary school (I'm going to get a little graphic here. You have been warned): fuck (as a verb), fingering, sex, "doing it," frigid, and boobs, to name a few. Pretty soon, he's going to be hearing a lot of words and getting a lot of ideas. So the choice boils down to this:
-Get wrong information from his peers that we may or may not be able to fix
OR
-Get the right information from us, even though we may be uncomfortable giving it
You could make the argument that I went to a different school at a different time. But let me tell you that the other day while leaving the school, I heard one of the kids say, "The other night on Family Guy..."
Need I say more?
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Pink Flowered Friend G-Spot Dildo Review
Yesterday, I told you that I would tell you about this stimulator I found. Yes, yes, I know, technically speaking, it's a dildo. There's nothing wrong with that. However, for some reason, the word "dildo" just sounds...wrong to me. It always has. Obviously, I know much more explicit words that I don't bat an eye at. But for some reason that word, and only that word, bugs the heck out of me. Go figure. But, if you want to be technical, yes. It's a dildo.
What was I talking about? Ah, yes. The Pink Flowered Friend by Don Wands.
A little bit about it: The Pink Flowered Friend is a glass G-spot stimulator. It is 7.5 inches long, around 4 inches in circumference at it's widest point and 3 3/8 inches around the shaft (by my measurements). It's slightly curved to provide G-spot stimulation and can be used for temperature play by immersing it in warm or cold water, if you'd like. Cleaning is easy with just soap and water. You could put it through the dishwasher, if you'd like, but I never do that. Just soap and water for me.
A word of caution to those that are not used to firm toys: this being solid glass, it has no give to it at all. I know, it sounds obvious, but I feel the need to say it. You can bruise or make yourself sore if you are not careful with this toy. Keep that in mind.
What I loved: Glass is so easy to take care of...as long as you don't drop it. But I think this material is actually closer to something like pyrex, so it's a bit harder to break, but certainly not impossible.
I, like many other women, really need firm pressure/firm rubbing to get decent stimulation from my G-spot. The curve of the Flowered friend is great for that. Stimulation without contorting my wrist! Plus, it's textured for those that like textured toys, without it being over the top.
If you look at it, the Flowered Friend is really double ended. It's completely smooth and non-porous, so either end could be used, depending on what your mood is. I love that.
And, it's pretty. I mean, really. I'm not crazy about pink in general, but this is a nice soft pink, not a bright bubblegum pink. And the flower in the rounded end is really cute, even if the colors clash with the main pink color.
What I didn't: I really wish that the curve was just a little bit more pronounced. Don't get me wrong, the curve is good. But it's not great. If it had just a slight bit more of a curve, it would be more comfortable for me when I use it. If my husband was using it on me, it probably wouldn't be a problem at all.
The nubbed textures on the shaft feel so pronounced to my fingers, but in practice, I don't even notice them. I thought I would get a lot of stimulation from those nubs, but really, hardly anything at all. A more sensitive person will probably be able to feel them, though.
Final thought: I like the Flowered Friend. It's not my favorite toy in the box, nor is it even my favorite glass toy, bit it is a nice one. I'm glad I have it and will use it, but probably not as often as my others that have more of a curve to them, and so make it more comfortable for me to use. But that's me.
Despite this one drawback for me, I would have to say that I do, in fact, recommend this toy. It's a subtly classy one, so those that are new to toys, or enjoy aesthetically pleasing toys, may like the look of the Flowered Friend. It's not so big that it's intimidating, nor is it too small to bring stimulation. It's a nice in-between.
~I received this toy for free in exchange for writing an honest review on another site.~
A little bit about it: The Pink Flowered Friend is a glass G-spot stimulator. It is 7.5 inches long, around 4 inches in circumference at it's widest point and 3 3/8 inches around the shaft (by my measurements). It's slightly curved to provide G-spot stimulation and can be used for temperature play by immersing it in warm or cold water, if you'd like. Cleaning is easy with just soap and water. You could put it through the dishwasher, if you'd like, but I never do that. Just soap and water for me.
A word of caution to those that are not used to firm toys: this being solid glass, it has no give to it at all. I know, it sounds obvious, but I feel the need to say it. You can bruise or make yourself sore if you are not careful with this toy. Keep that in mind.
What I loved: Glass is so easy to take care of...as long as you don't drop it. But I think this material is actually closer to something like pyrex, so it's a bit harder to break, but certainly not impossible.
I, like many other women, really need firm pressure/firm rubbing to get decent stimulation from my G-spot. The curve of the Flowered friend is great for that. Stimulation without contorting my wrist! Plus, it's textured for those that like textured toys, without it being over the top.
If you look at it, the Flowered Friend is really double ended. It's completely smooth and non-porous, so either end could be used, depending on what your mood is. I love that.
And, it's pretty. I mean, really. I'm not crazy about pink in general, but this is a nice soft pink, not a bright bubblegum pink. And the flower in the rounded end is really cute, even if the colors clash with the main pink color.
What I didn't: I really wish that the curve was just a little bit more pronounced. Don't get me wrong, the curve is good. But it's not great. If it had just a slight bit more of a curve, it would be more comfortable for me when I use it. If my husband was using it on me, it probably wouldn't be a problem at all.
The nubbed textures on the shaft feel so pronounced to my fingers, but in practice, I don't even notice them. I thought I would get a lot of stimulation from those nubs, but really, hardly anything at all. A more sensitive person will probably be able to feel them, though.
Final thought: I like the Flowered Friend. It's not my favorite toy in the box, nor is it even my favorite glass toy, bit it is a nice one. I'm glad I have it and will use it, but probably not as often as my others that have more of a curve to them, and so make it more comfortable for me to use. But that's me.Despite this one drawback for me, I would have to say that I do, in fact, recommend this toy. It's a subtly classy one, so those that are new to toys, or enjoy aesthetically pleasing toys, may like the look of the Flowered Friend. It's not so big that it's intimidating, nor is it too small to bring stimulation. It's a nice in-between.
~I received this toy for free in exchange for writing an honest review on another site.~
Friday, September 14, 2012
How to Find Your G-Spot
Oh, the G-spot. There has been so, so much controversy around this little bit of the female anatomy. Does it exist? Does it not? Does everyone have one? Does it cause female ejaculation? OK, female ejaculation is another post entirely and I won't get into that here, but it does happen and it is normal. But today we will talk about the G-spot.
The G-spot has been discovered and lost over the centuries. Around 1950, Ernst Gräfenburg wrote about it. Then, it was forgotten again. In the 1970's, Beverly Whipple and John Perry, both sex researchers, rediscovered it. Although it has been known and forgotten several times, they named it the "Gräfenburg spot," or, the G-spot, after the latest discoverer.
So, what exactly is the G-Spot? Short answer: it's part of the internal structure of the clitoris and urethral sponge. It's often called the "female prostate." It's located just a few inches inside the vagina on the front wall (belly side). It may feel sort of rough compared with the rest of the vagina and often responds well to firm pressure and rubbing as opposed to gentle stimulation. But of course, everyone is different.
Knowing you've found your G-spot is not always very cut-and-dry. Most commonly you'll know that you've found it when you feel like you have the urge to pee when you know your bladder is empty. This is normal and really just means that you've found it! With continued stimulation, you may or may not orgasm, and may or may not ejaculate. Don't worry, though, because you won't actually urinate and the female ejaculate is not urine. But whether you do or do not orgasm from it or do or do not ejaculate, it's perfectly normal.
Troubleshooting when you can't find it can be a little difficult and frustrating, and scientists go back and forth as to whether or not all women have one (a step up from a few years ago where some sex experts thought the G-spot was a myth). Something I've learned in my hunt is that relaxation is important. If you make it a chore, you're arousal will go backward and it will be even harder to find. Something else I noticed about myself is if I'm not really aroused, it's like my spot doesn't exist. Except, I know it exists, because I've found it! But without the proper amount of foreplay and stimulation, it feels like it vanishes.
Ready to try to find your G-spot? Need some help finding it? Next I'll be talking about this: The Flowered Friend g-spot stimulator.
Sources: I Love Female Orgasm by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller
The G-spot has been discovered and lost over the centuries. Around 1950, Ernst Gräfenburg wrote about it. Then, it was forgotten again. In the 1970's, Beverly Whipple and John Perry, both sex researchers, rediscovered it. Although it has been known and forgotten several times, they named it the "Gräfenburg spot," or, the G-spot, after the latest discoverer.
So, what exactly is the G-Spot? Short answer: it's part of the internal structure of the clitoris and urethral sponge. It's often called the "female prostate." It's located just a few inches inside the vagina on the front wall (belly side). It may feel sort of rough compared with the rest of the vagina and often responds well to firm pressure and rubbing as opposed to gentle stimulation. But of course, everyone is different.
Knowing you've found your G-spot is not always very cut-and-dry. Most commonly you'll know that you've found it when you feel like you have the urge to pee when you know your bladder is empty. This is normal and really just means that you've found it! With continued stimulation, you may or may not orgasm, and may or may not ejaculate. Don't worry, though, because you won't actually urinate and the female ejaculate is not urine. But whether you do or do not orgasm from it or do or do not ejaculate, it's perfectly normal.
Troubleshooting when you can't find it can be a little difficult and frustrating, and scientists go back and forth as to whether or not all women have one (a step up from a few years ago where some sex experts thought the G-spot was a myth). Something I've learned in my hunt is that relaxation is important. If you make it a chore, you're arousal will go backward and it will be even harder to find. Something else I noticed about myself is if I'm not really aroused, it's like my spot doesn't exist. Except, I know it exists, because I've found it! But without the proper amount of foreplay and stimulation, it feels like it vanishes.
Ready to try to find your G-spot? Need some help finding it? Next I'll be talking about this: The Flowered Friend g-spot stimulator.
Sources: I Love Female Orgasm by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
It's weird, right? Yeah, it's weird.
Something that has been on my mind lately is this: I am a conservative sex blogger. Do those words even go together?
Monday, September 10, 2012
Finding the Time: Getting the Groove Back
I do a lot of reading for what I do here. I visit forums, read reviews, books, magazines, websites, articles... the list is endless. Something that I keep seeing over and over again is women complaining that they just can't manage to have sex because they either don't have time or they simply don't want to. Although I understand their feelings, I find the idea worrisome. It's easy to get into that rut, and very hard to get out. It seems like spouses start to get angry with each other over it, which only leads to more feelings of "I don't want to," or "There's no time," or "I'm too tired." Now, sometimes a person really can't manage it. They're ill, or exhausted, or on a particular day there really isn't time. It happens. But what about when that excuse becomes a daily problem? "He/she doesn't understand my sexual needs," or, "He/she no longer wants to have sex," are problems that I see people complain about fairly often.
Once in that funk, how do you get out? Folk wisdom states that the more sex you have, the more you want it. Some experts suggest having sex at least once a week, and some couples have taken on grand experiments like having sex every day for a whole year.
I honestly can't say if there is a single thing that will work for absolutely everyone. I'm not a sex therapist. But what I can say is what works for me and some of the people I've talked to about how they get out and stay out of that no-sex-in-marriage funk.
Husband and I tried the sex every day for a year thing. For us, that led to all sorts of problems. For one, we ended up discussing what actually counts as sex. Does it count only if there is penetration? If there is orgasm? Does any sort of sexual activity count? And we found that knowing we had to have sex whether we wanted to or not felt too much like a chore. We realized that we had sex almost daily anyway, so the whole 365 thing didn't really work for us. However, there do seem to be other couples who planning on having sex for X number of days works for. I won't knock it, it just didn't work for us.
Husband and I aren't really planners when it comes to sex. But, I've heard other couples have had good luck with planning a special "date" night and/or time that they set aside to be intimate with each other. If that works, go for it.
For Husband and I, the point is not when we do it, or whether we want to do it, but to make sure we have the intimate time together that we need, lest we fall into that same kind of rut. There has been more than one time when we're feeling distant from each other, angry, and downright cranky, when we look at each other and ask "Do we need to go have sex?" Even when sex is the furthest thing from our minds, we find that yes, we do. It's part of life. Part of marriage. And one that is increasingly overlooked. Did you know that it is estimated that 40 million Americans are stuck in a sexless marriages? True story.
Sources:
"Why you should have sex at least once a week" by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., sex counselor (CNN)
"Yes, Dear. Tonight Again." by Ralf Gardner, Jr. (NY Times)
Once in that funk, how do you get out? Folk wisdom states that the more sex you have, the more you want it. Some experts suggest having sex at least once a week, and some couples have taken on grand experiments like having sex every day for a whole year.
I honestly can't say if there is a single thing that will work for absolutely everyone. I'm not a sex therapist. But what I can say is what works for me and some of the people I've talked to about how they get out and stay out of that no-sex-in-marriage funk.
Husband and I tried the sex every day for a year thing. For us, that led to all sorts of problems. For one, we ended up discussing what actually counts as sex. Does it count only if there is penetration? If there is orgasm? Does any sort of sexual activity count? And we found that knowing we had to have sex whether we wanted to or not felt too much like a chore. We realized that we had sex almost daily anyway, so the whole 365 thing didn't really work for us. However, there do seem to be other couples who planning on having sex for X number of days works for. I won't knock it, it just didn't work for us.
Husband and I aren't really planners when it comes to sex. But, I've heard other couples have had good luck with planning a special "date" night and/or time that they set aside to be intimate with each other. If that works, go for it.
For Husband and I, the point is not when we do it, or whether we want to do it, but to make sure we have the intimate time together that we need, lest we fall into that same kind of rut. There has been more than one time when we're feeling distant from each other, angry, and downright cranky, when we look at each other and ask "Do we need to go have sex?" Even when sex is the furthest thing from our minds, we find that yes, we do. It's part of life. Part of marriage. And one that is increasingly overlooked. Did you know that it is estimated that 40 million Americans are stuck in a sexless marriages? True story.
Sources:
"Why you should have sex at least once a week" by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., sex counselor (CNN)
"Yes, Dear. Tonight Again." by Ralf Gardner, Jr. (NY Times)
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Why I moved
If you've made the hike to follow me all the way over here from Wordpress, congrats! Nice to see you. If you are meeting me for the first time, hey there! Nice to see you.
Now, for those of you that followed me over, you may be wondering why I spontaneously moved. The blog was doing pretty well over there, the stats were pretty rockin', the useability and user interface was fantastic. And, you may note, that generally people go from Blogger to Wordpress, not the other way around, so what gives?
Simply put, here is the issue. Sometimes I add links. It's just a necessary part of what I do here. Wordpress didn't always like what links that I made and would flag them as "affiliate links" (links where you make money per click and such). Even though I didn't actually have links like that, they got flagged anyway. This resulted in me having to contact Wordpress and get it fixed and yadda yadda yadda. But, the issue did get fixed.
I thought it did, anyway.
Turns out it didn't really. See, there is a company I intend on working with during the course of this blog. Call them a sponsor, if you will. They give me perks (but not money) for talking about them every now and again. I don't mind doing that. I like them. They're a great company. I buy most of what I review here from them (at the time of this post).
Recently, I received an e-mail from this company that said due to Wordpress's terms of service, they can't work with me while I remained there.
Ouch.
But I really wanted to work with this company. I was faced with a very difficult decision. I could stay with Wordpress, where I loved the interface and was doing well but would not be able to work with my favorite company, or, I could go through the pain of moving my blog, in it's entirety, over to Blogger/Blogspot, hope it does as well, and hope my followers so far follow me over.
You can clearly see what decision I made. Welcome to Blogger.
For those that knew me over there, I really hope you made it over. And those of you that know me, the real me, personally, who had been afraid to comment and leave evidence of you visiting, you'll find that I've now made it so you can comment anonymously.
So there we go. From this point backwards in time, you'll see all of the posts, photos, and reviews you saw over at Wordpress. They're all here. From this point forward, you'll see all new material.
And yes, I know the follower widget is not working at this moment. I've already contacted Blogger about it.
Now, for those of you that followed me over, you may be wondering why I spontaneously moved. The blog was doing pretty well over there, the stats were pretty rockin', the useability and user interface was fantastic. And, you may note, that generally people go from Blogger to Wordpress, not the other way around, so what gives?
Simply put, here is the issue. Sometimes I add links. It's just a necessary part of what I do here. Wordpress didn't always like what links that I made and would flag them as "affiliate links" (links where you make money per click and such). Even though I didn't actually have links like that, they got flagged anyway. This resulted in me having to contact Wordpress and get it fixed and yadda yadda yadda. But, the issue did get fixed.
I thought it did, anyway.
Turns out it didn't really. See, there is a company I intend on working with during the course of this blog. Call them a sponsor, if you will. They give me perks (but not money) for talking about them every now and again. I don't mind doing that. I like them. They're a great company. I buy most of what I review here from them (at the time of this post).
Recently, I received an e-mail from this company that said due to Wordpress's terms of service, they can't work with me while I remained there.
Ouch.
But I really wanted to work with this company. I was faced with a very difficult decision. I could stay with Wordpress, where I loved the interface and was doing well but would not be able to work with my favorite company, or, I could go through the pain of moving my blog, in it's entirety, over to Blogger/Blogspot, hope it does as well, and hope my followers so far follow me over.
You can clearly see what decision I made. Welcome to Blogger.
For those that knew me over there, I really hope you made it over. And those of you that know me, the real me, personally, who had been afraid to comment and leave evidence of you visiting, you'll find that I've now made it so you can comment anonymously.
So there we go. From this point backwards in time, you'll see all of the posts, photos, and reviews you saw over at Wordpress. They're all here. From this point forward, you'll see all new material.
And yes, I know the follower widget is not working at this moment. I've already contacted Blogger about it.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Body Paint Fail...Again.
As I dug into the cabinet for the right pot, I dropped a metal lid. The sound echoed through the house. I stopped. No sounds. I hadn't disturbed anyone. I continued. I pulled out the recipe (this is the recipe, by the way), melted the sugar (which took longer than I thought it would), removed from heat, added the butter. So far, so good. Added cocoa and vanilla. Still OK. For the small amount of alcohol the recipe called for, I decided to use creme de cocoa. I tried to pour the half teaspoon into the pot, but it splashed more than I intended, and so added about 3 times the amount I meant to. Whoops.
OK, not a fail yet. Yes, it now tastes a little funny, but it's still workable. No problem.
At this point, I figured it was a good time to go wash the spare paintbrush I had. I picked up and found the bristles to be...crisp. Not crisp as in new, crisp as in been used. Also, glittery. It was glittery. Crap. I had given it to one of the kids for his glitter paint and forgotten about it. Try it with fingers...works OK, not great.
Well, alright then. Paint in a jar, lid on the jar, and into the fridge it goes.
Sigh.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
We-Vibe 3 Review ...maybe part 1?
Husband and I were so very excited to try the We-Vibe 3. There was so much hype around it being one of the best couple's toy ever. It has to be something awesome, right? Well...maybe not. In fact, I don't know that I can even write a proper review on it, so, for the moment, here's the lowdown.
The We-Vibe 3 is marketed as a couple's vibrator. It's a U (or C) shaped vibrator that is made to have one arm sit on the g-spot, and the other arm on the clitoris, and used during sex. It's waterproof, rechargeable, comes with a plastic storage case and a remote (but there's a button on the vibrator itself if you lose or break the remote).
First off, the initial charge takes 24 hours and I am not a patient person.
Second, as far as the actual use goes, Husband and I gave up in about 10 minutes. The vibrations are weak. The We-Vibe slipped all over the place and wouldn't stay put.
I'm disappointed.
A lot.
See, if it doesn't stay put, there is no point to the thing. I mean, I know that it is somewhat anatomy dependent, meaning it won't work for everyone, but I think Husband and I are pretty typical.
For the moment, we've stopped using it, with the intention of picking it up again when we feel less frustrated with the thing and seeing if we can somehow make it work. In the meantime, I'm sticking with the We-Vibe Touch.
~I received this item at a 30% discount in exchange for a review on another site.~
The We-Vibe 3 is marketed as a couple's vibrator. It's a U (or C) shaped vibrator that is made to have one arm sit on the g-spot, and the other arm on the clitoris, and used during sex. It's waterproof, rechargeable, comes with a plastic storage case and a remote (but there's a button on the vibrator itself if you lose or break the remote).
First off, the initial charge takes 24 hours and I am not a patient person.Second, as far as the actual use goes, Husband and I gave up in about 10 minutes. The vibrations are weak. The We-Vibe slipped all over the place and wouldn't stay put.
I'm disappointed.
A lot.
See, if it doesn't stay put, there is no point to the thing. I mean, I know that it is somewhat anatomy dependent, meaning it won't work for everyone, but I think Husband and I are pretty typical.For the moment, we've stopped using it, with the intention of picking it up again when we feel less frustrated with the thing and seeing if we can somehow make it work. In the meantime, I'm sticking with the We-Vibe Touch.
~I received this item at a 30% discount in exchange for a review on another site.~
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
It's here, it's here!
A plain brown box has just arrived at my house. In it contains the ever-so-much buzzed about (no pun intended) couple's toy, the We-Vibe 3! What's all the hubbub about? Well, the We-Vibe 3 (along with it's former incarnations We-Vibe 2 and just the We-Vibe, and not to be confused with the We-Vibe Touch), is one of the few high-end, quality toys on the market that is designed specifically for couples! And, I kid you not, it has a remote. Really. And it's rechargeable!
So, you may be asking, where is the review? Unfortunately, the initial charge takes a full 24 hours, so I'm trying to be patient and not fiddle with the buttons or remote before that point. It's hard. I've already turned it on once to see what it does.
So, you may be asking, where is the review? Unfortunately, the initial charge takes a full 24 hours, so I'm trying to be patient and not fiddle with the buttons or remote before that point. It's hard. I've already turned it on once to see what it does.
I Love You...Too Bad You're Broken
Over a hundred years ago, Sigmund Freud declared some really crazy, and downright wrong things about female sexuality. Among these little tidbits, Freud decided that an orgasm by way of the clitoris is "immature" or "adolescent," and an orgasm by vaginal stimulation from her husband is the "mature" way to have an orgasm. To this day, many men describe women as "frigid" because they don't orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone. This has led to women feeling ashamed and their partners feeling angry and frustrated.
Here's a fun fact: Freud was dead wrong.
The truth is that only around 30% of women can orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone. That leaves 70% to be "frigid." In other words, although both ways to the big O are normal, it is more common to not be able to orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone.
My early days with Husband were incredibly frustrating in this area. I wanted to O through what I believed was the "normal" way, i.e. without any clitoral stimulation. I tried, he tried, we tried. Frustrations and anxiety flared. I was still living in the realm of "All women can orgasm from vaginal stimulation." Did that mean something was wrong with me? Was I broken? Was Husband angry with me that I couldn't do this very normal thing? Would he hate me for it?
After a few years, I ran across the actual numbers, and they showed that there was nothing wrong with me. I was perfectly normal. Excited, I showed the statistics to Husband, who also came around to the realization that it had nothing to do with me, or him, or us.
So if it is now proven that not having a vaginal orgasm is normal, and also having a vaginal orgasm is normal, why does the myth perpetuate? Well, one reason could be the prevalence of and easy access to porn, which some people seem to view as a source of information. But that alone wouldn't do it. It's that PLUS the lack of education about the way a female body works.
Think back to your sex ed days. Do you remember what you learned? Here's how my class can be summed up:
Notice the glaring lack of the words "orgasm" and "clitoris." They're not necessary for procreation. They don't get sick. They don't need to be treated. They are simply words that have to do with pleasure, and that has no place in education, apparently. So where are young people getting the information? From erotica and each other, both generally reeeeally wrong.
I really hope some day the education will be better. I fully believe it will lead to less frustration from husbands and shame from their wives.
Source: I Love Female Orgasm by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller
Here's a fun fact: Freud was dead wrong.
The truth is that only around 30% of women can orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone. That leaves 70% to be "frigid." In other words, although both ways to the big O are normal, it is more common to not be able to orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone.
My early days with Husband were incredibly frustrating in this area. I wanted to O through what I believed was the "normal" way, i.e. without any clitoral stimulation. I tried, he tried, we tried. Frustrations and anxiety flared. I was still living in the realm of "All women can orgasm from vaginal stimulation." Did that mean something was wrong with me? Was I broken? Was Husband angry with me that I couldn't do this very normal thing? Would he hate me for it?
After a few years, I ran across the actual numbers, and they showed that there was nothing wrong with me. I was perfectly normal. Excited, I showed the statistics to Husband, who also came around to the realization that it had nothing to do with me, or him, or us.
So if it is now proven that not having a vaginal orgasm is normal, and also having a vaginal orgasm is normal, why does the myth perpetuate? Well, one reason could be the prevalence of and easy access to porn, which some people seem to view as a source of information. But that alone wouldn't do it. It's that PLUS the lack of education about the way a female body works.
Think back to your sex ed days. Do you remember what you learned? Here's how my class can be summed up:
- Here's a cutaway diagram of a male and female and what the reproductive parts are for
- A baby is made when sperm comes in contact with the egg and grows in the uterus
- Here's how to put a condom on a banana
- These are the horrible things that can, and likely will, happen to you if you have sex
Notice the glaring lack of the words "orgasm" and "clitoris." They're not necessary for procreation. They don't get sick. They don't need to be treated. They are simply words that have to do with pleasure, and that has no place in education, apparently. So where are young people getting the information? From erotica and each other, both generally reeeeally wrong.
I really hope some day the education will be better. I fully believe it will lead to less frustration from husbands and shame from their wives.
Source: I Love Female Orgasm by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller
Monday, September 3, 2012
My Favorite Part
Life is hard, no? Stress with kids and school, worries that I'm not as good of a wife and mother as I'd like to be, exhaustion from the every day duties. Don't get me wrong, I love my life. Every bit of it. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't get to me sometimes.
I live for the last moment of the day. The time when I fall into bed with the man I love more than anyone I've ever loved. As we snuggle against each other, the stress, worries, and care of the day can't even find us.
I live for the last moment of the day. The time when I fall into bed with the man I love more than anyone I've ever loved. As we snuggle against each other, the stress, worries, and care of the day can't even find us.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Sliquid Organics Gel Review
I've heard some really scary things about parabens and glycerin in lubricant. I have no idea if any of them are true. Both sides of the argument seem to have valid points. Personally, I decided to go on a quest to see if there was any lubricant with more natural ingredients that I would like better than the KY standard. I present Sliquid Organics Gel.A little bit about it: Sliquid Organics Gel is a water based personal lubricant that contains no parabens and no glycerin. Instead of glycerin, they use plant cellulose from cotton. The full list of ingredients is: Purified Water, Plant Cellulose (from Cotton), Aloe Barbadensis*, Natural Tocopherols (Vitamin E), Cyamopsis (Guar Conditioners), Extracts of Hibiscus*, Flax*, Alfalfa*, Green Tea* & Sunflower Seed*, Potassium Sorbate, Citric Acid. The * denotes certified organic. The bottle also says that these ingredients are vegan.
What I loved: The natural ingredients were exactly what I was looking for. No strong smell, no taste, cute packaging.
What I didn't love: This lubricant had absolutely no staying power. None. In fact, I put it up against KY to see how the times compare. I did this by putting a small amount of lubricant on my hands and rubbing them together. After four minutes, the KY was getting sticky and I would have had to reapply. As for the the Sliquid, after a mere two minutes, the lubricant was completely gone. No stickiness, no residue, nothing. (If you think those numbers sound familiar, it's because you read my review over on Eden Fantasys.)Final thought: I can't recommend this to someone who needs a lot of help in the personal moisture department. It dries up way too fast. However, those that need just a little help getting thing started may like this, since it stays just long enough to initiate intercourse, and then absorbs without a trace.
~I got this product at a 30% discount in exchange for writing a review off site.~
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