Saturday, November 16, 2013

When Sex Advice Get Silly. Or Just Wrong.

I've made it no secret that I'm not a huge fan of Cosmo's sex and relationship tips.  I mostly find them absolutely ridiculous.  I mean, there have been whole articles written on just how bad their tips are.  I should assume he's cheating if he's whistling?  Oh, really?  Gee.  And here I thought it was more sane to just assume he had a good day.  Give him a bit of a man-parts massage when I know he's had a terrible day?  Yeah, in our house that would end with him saying, "Did I not just tell you how horrible my day has been?  Not interested.Lower your voice when talking to him on the phone?  OK, I'm not sure if they mean volume or if they want you to drop suddenly into bass, but either way he'd most likely say, "What?  What?  I can't understand what you're saying.  Do you have a cold?"  And let's not forget that one fellatio book that I hated with a fiery passion also happened to be written by a woman that also writes for Cosmo.

A few days ago I ran into a Cosmo article that someone had tweeted about.  I had a few spare minutes, so I thought why not.  I've been trying to find the link again so you can see the article for yourself, but I can't seem to find it.  I honestly don't even remember what the whole point of the article was, but I do remember the part that sent me into a full rage and made me forget about everything else the author was saying.  She said men find it hot when a woman gags and gets teary eyed during oral sex.

Not a few men.

Not some men.

Not some men, sometimes.

Not even most men, sometimes.

Just men.  Men find it hot.

First off, I hate generalizations like this.  So of course, I was more than skeptical, so I asked Husband if he thought that was hot.  It seemed to me that it's more of a porn act, and as we all know, porn is not real life.

"Do you think it's hot if a woman gags?" I asked.

"What, you mean like in porn?"

"No, in general."


"Not ever?" I pressed.  I wanted a full, honest answer.

"Not ever.  If you gagged, I would think something is wrong."

I'm kind of with him on this.  I mean, I kind of imagine I would end up looking like I had the flu.  Not sexy.

Now, don't get me wrong.  Some women do enjoy gagging.  Some men enjoy seeing it.  But generalizations in sexual advice can be downright dangerous.  There should have at least been a "some" in there.  It would be easy to change it to, say, "Some men find it hot, so if you're into it, it may be worth discussing."

I did a little bit of casual research on the subject to see what I could turn up.  Do you know what I found?  Get ready for a shock: It was a mixed bag.  Some liked it, some didn't.  Oh, that wasn't shocking and was kind of obvious?  Yes.  Yes, it was.  So what's with the generalization?  Good question.

I now picture a young woman thinking she has to gag to please her partner because she's sure men find it hot.  Cosmo said so.  Like she would be doing it wrong if she didn't, no matter if she didn't want to.  And that makes me very sad.  Or, a man thinking that he should find it hot, even if he doesn't.  Also, very sad.

So what's a couple to do?  You could start by, oh, I don't know...talking to each other?  And probably not rely on magazines like this for sex advice.