Friday, June 21, 2013

On Blogging: Being Who You Are

There has been a sudden and very vast increase in sex bloggers lately, especially over the past few days.  Most of them are starting blogs because they are angry with a certain company that they wrote reviews for, but that's not what I'm going to be talking about today.  Not yet.

Whether you are starting a blog because you are dissatisfied with a company you once worked with or you just feel like having a go at blogging, starting a blog can be overwhelming.  Several bloggers have written posts on getting started, and now I'm adding my voice to theirs.  However, my advice has less to do with the finer points of writing a review or backing up your site or even which companies have affiliate programs.  What I have to say is much simpler, and should be obvious, but it's not.

Be your awesome self.

Simple, right?  But not totally obvious to a lot of people.  As humans, we want to imitate, especially when we see something that works, but when we imitate something as personal as blogging style, it will feel unnatural and may even come off as merely a shadow of the original.  To put it another way, imagine you have a good friend that wears very unique, handmade clothes.  They look stunning on her and matches her personality.  If you had an exact copy made for yourself, will the outfit work as well?  Maybe, but probably not.  It's someone else's style, not yours.

Let me note that I'm not talking about colors or layout of your blog, as there are only so many combinations that work well.  No one is going to fault you for having black text on a white background, even though tons of bloggers do it.  It works and it works well.  It's tempting to write with pink text on a purple background because no one else does it, but please, don't.  It may be unique, but it will also be unreadable.

What I'm talking about here is your individual writing style.  When I first started blogging, I didn't know what I was and what I wanted to be.  I experimented a little bit.  I felt that I really lean closer to the conservative side of things, but I couldn't help notice the success of other blogs that were really vibrant and edgy.  So, I tried to be a little more edgy, and, predictably, I failed.  You know why?  I'm not edgy.  I bake.  I sew.  I quilt.  I'm a homebody.  For goodness sakes, I used to teach Sunday School.    If the center of edgy is the sun, then I'm out in the Orion Nebula.  I think I've made my point.  So, I went back to being boring-but-honest me.  As it turns out, my particular style of blogging fills a need.  Many of my readers wanted information, but, being conservative themselves, wanted it from a site that contained no nudity or what they would consider foul language.

I've been invited to participate wide-reaching blogger games, like posting for Sinful Sunday, where bloggers post provocative pictures.  I'm not judging the people that do, but it's not something I'm comfortable with.  It's not who I am, so I don't participate.

When you start a blog, if you start a blog, remember to be who you are.  The blogging community will meet you where you're at and be supportive of you for you.  Well, unless you lie.  Then expect to be roasted alive on Twitter.

Like I said, many people in the blogging community have come together to write posts about being a decent sex blogger.  Even though other bloggers have said it before, I'm going to repeat it, as I, personally, am still getting asked about it: the free toys issue.  All the brand new bloggers want to know how established bloggers talk companies into giving them toys to review.  The thing is--and you aren't going to like this answer if you are new to the blogging world--some companies won't be interested in you until your blog is established and has been up and active for a while.  How long is "a while"?  That depends on who you ask.

Once you feel you have planted your blogging feet firmly enough to start talking to companies, it's important that you don't get your feelings hurt.  Some companies will say yes, some will say no, some will say later, and many may never answer you at all.  That's just how it works.  Personally, in the lifetime of my blog, I've received a positive answer about 50% of the time, with an even higher positive percentage as time goes on.  This means that if you want to start a review blog, you have to be satisfied for the time being reviewing items that you either already own or will purchase for yourself, then branch out.  However, if your intent in blogging is just to get free toys, you will quickly become frustrated and disenchanted.

For further information, you can check out Epiphora's info for new bloggers and people leaving that one company.  TheSinDoll also has an ongoing list of where to find info for new bloggers. [Warning: Both blogs may contain nudity and/or profanity, and are generally considered NSFW (not safe for work).  You've been advised.]


  1. Great advice, thanks for sharing it!

  2. Thanks! It's rare in this climate to hear an established blogger give permission for new bloggers to simply be themselves. So many times it feels like the pressure is to conform to the current climate and established ways of doing things. Sometimes the way to stand out is to simply keep doing what you're doing!

  3. This advice cannot be said enough. I'm glad you found your own voice and niche. It's so important, not just for success but for happiness as a blogger.

  4. Good encouragement.

    Before I decided to write any reviews at all, I took a step back and had a little talk with myself. I reminded myself that my virginity and my lack of experience with lots of different toys is something that could give me a unique perspective rather than hold me back. I reminded myself that there are other people out there new to toys, or new to sex, or both, who could relate to what I wrote if I just shared my findings without fear of being judged for my lack of experience.

    So far the community has been very kind to me. I'm still in the process of finding my own voice, and will probably try out a little of this or that along the way to figure things out. Let the adventure begin!

  5. This is good advice but advice that is easy to forget at times. I sometimes still struggle with finding my tone and voice, or perhaps it wavers. Even as an established blogger, it can be difficult to determine where I want my posts to go.