"We don't have the time. We have kids."
I've heard this so many times now. Sometimes, it's morphed into "We don't have time. We have teenagers."
Parenting is an amazing journey. It's full of ups and downs, joys and worries, small victories and quiet losses. Marriage is the same. It's both relaxing shelter and hard work. As I've said before, Husband and I believe that sex is a part of marriage that affects other parts, and we're not willing to compromise in this area. Sometimes that means we're exhausted. Sometimes that means we stay up long after the kids are in bed. Heck, sometimes that means we're up in the middle of the night or awake before the morning alarm! The point is that no matter when the time is, there is time. We make sure of that.
The other day a friend said there is no time because there are teenagers in the house. I just don't get that. Are the teens always home? Are they making a nuisance of themselves? Do you not have a lock on your bedroom door???
Yes, finding the time is hard. But it's worth it.
Showing posts with label Sex and Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sex and Parenting. Show all posts
Friday, October 26, 2012
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Finding the Time: Dealing with Children
I can not be the only one that has had this issue. The kids are in bed or otherwise occupied. You quietly shut the bedroom door and turn the lock. You think you can maybe sneak in 20 minutes before someone needs something. You fall into bed to enjoy your time with your spouse. 3 minutes pass...
"Mom! I need a drink of waaaaaaaaaaater!"
Sigh. "So go get one!"
"OK!"
~A few seconds pass...~
"I can't find my cup!"
"Get one out of the cabinet."
~Seconds pass...~
"I can't reach them!"
I'm not alone in this, right? If you have kids, I can nearly guarantee this has happened to you. I love my kids, love them dearly, and wouldn't be without them, but, like every other mother/wife, sometimes I need a minute with my husband. Here's a few tricks that work for us for our school-age children so that we can sneak away. Note: these tricks should NOT be used with a baby, toddler, or preschooler. Children that young need supervision and should not be left to occupy themselves. Finding time for sex with children that young is another topic and another post.
-Declare it to be homework/reading/project time.
-Ask them to pick up their toys and watch them scatter to occupy themselves elsewhere.
-Put on a movie.
-Tell them it is "rest time." In our house, this involves the kids getting their pillows, blankets, and special sleeping toys (yes, they both have one), and lay down to watch a movie or favorite show.
-Send them off with a trusted friend/relative for a playdate.
-Set a bedtime and enforce it. This is our go-to and what we do most often.
What we never do:
-Give them food to occupy them. In our opinion, this is a very dangerous thing to do and can lead to choking. We've had to do the Heimlich on both of our kids at some point in their lives when they inhaled at the wrong time or tried to put too much food in their mouths. The standing rule in our house is that if we aren't with you, then you aren't eating!
The biggest help to our sex life while parenting is a simple rule: too tired from being a parent is not an excuse not to find time to be intimate. It sounds harsh, but hear me out. Of course, sometimes we feel too tired to do anything. It happens and that is part of life. But, in our sex life, we never allow it to be a constant reason to not find the time to be intimate. Occasionally, that means we find the time even when we don't feel like it, but are always glad that we took that time afterwards.
"Mom! I need a drink of waaaaaaaaaaater!"
Sigh. "So go get one!"
"OK!"
~A few seconds pass...~
"I can't find my cup!"
"Get one out of the cabinet."
~Seconds pass...~
"I can't reach them!"
I'm not alone in this, right? If you have kids, I can nearly guarantee this has happened to you. I love my kids, love them dearly, and wouldn't be without them, but, like every other mother/wife, sometimes I need a minute with my husband. Here's a few tricks that work for us for our school-age children so that we can sneak away. Note: these tricks should NOT be used with a baby, toddler, or preschooler. Children that young need supervision and should not be left to occupy themselves. Finding time for sex with children that young is another topic and another post.
-Declare it to be homework/reading/project time.
-Ask them to pick up their toys and watch them scatter to occupy themselves elsewhere.
-Put on a movie.
-Tell them it is "rest time." In our house, this involves the kids getting their pillows, blankets, and special sleeping toys (yes, they both have one), and lay down to watch a movie or favorite show.
-Send them off with a trusted friend/relative for a playdate.
-Set a bedtime and enforce it. This is our go-to and what we do most often.
What we never do:
-Give them food to occupy them. In our opinion, this is a very dangerous thing to do and can lead to choking. We've had to do the Heimlich on both of our kids at some point in their lives when they inhaled at the wrong time or tried to put too much food in their mouths. The standing rule in our house is that if we aren't with you, then you aren't eating!
The biggest help to our sex life while parenting is a simple rule: too tired from being a parent is not an excuse not to find time to be intimate. It sounds harsh, but hear me out. Of course, sometimes we feel too tired to do anything. It happens and that is part of life. But, in our sex life, we never allow it to be a constant reason to not find the time to be intimate. Occasionally, that means we find the time even when we don't feel like it, but are always glad that we took that time afterwards.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Crap, is it time to have "the talk"?
The kids were watching Dirty Jobs, which they find endlessly fascinating. I mean, boys + a show about dirty things with some poop jokes thrown in every now and then = awesome. It's just simple math. But today, as it was playing on the TV, I wasn't paying attention to what Mr. Rowe was up to. And what he was up to, friends, was gathering horse semen.
Oh...I suck as a mom right now. But wait! It gets better. See, Boy #2 is too young to care about much except to be delighted that Mike Rowe is constantly getting filthy. But, Boy #1 is 8 going on 30, and he did something unexpected. He picked up on the word "semen."
"What is that? Is it like...poop?"
No. Not yet. I can't possibly be time to discuss this already. Can it? No. Please, no. But...it's a direct question, if I'm taking my own advice about sex ed, I should answer it without (obvious) embarrassment. Boy #1 knew the following facts about the human body and babies: it takes a special part of a mommy and a daddy to make a baby, the baby grows inside a special sack inside of the mommy until it's ready, and what a period is (that part is another story that has to deal with why you knock before you just walk in to the bathroom).
So here we are, with a very specific question. What is semen? I admit that I was caught unprepared, so I said, "Do you remember when we talked about it taking a part of the mom and part of a dad to make a baby?"
"Yes."
"Semen is the part of the dad."
"Oh."
In retrospect I should have explained sperm vs semen, but I was caught unawares here.
That led to Husband and I, after the kids were in bed, having our own little talk.
"Is it time? Is it time to have 'the talk'?" I asked.
"It may be. Pretty soon he's going to be getting misinformation at school [from his peers]."
No. Wasn't he just a baby yesterday? He must have been, right? RIGHT???
But...I want him to be able to ask questions. I want him to be able to come to us. I don't want him blindly following whatever his peers say. I know some people may think this is too early to talk about this, but let me put it in perspective. By the time I was 10 or 11, I had heard the following words in elementary school (I'm going to get a little graphic here. You have been warned): fuck (as a verb), fingering, sex, "doing it," frigid, and boobs, to name a few. Pretty soon, he's going to be hearing a lot of words and getting a lot of ideas. So the choice boils down to this:
-Get wrong information from his peers that we may or may not be able to fix
OR
-Get the right information from us, even though we may be uncomfortable giving it
You could make the argument that I went to a different school at a different time. But let me tell you that the other day while leaving the school, I heard one of the kids say, "The other night on Family Guy..."
Need I say more?
Oh...I suck as a mom right now. But wait! It gets better. See, Boy #2 is too young to care about much except to be delighted that Mike Rowe is constantly getting filthy. But, Boy #1 is 8 going on 30, and he did something unexpected. He picked up on the word "semen."
"What is that? Is it like...poop?"
No. Not yet. I can't possibly be time to discuss this already. Can it? No. Please, no. But...it's a direct question, if I'm taking my own advice about sex ed, I should answer it without (obvious) embarrassment. Boy #1 knew the following facts about the human body and babies: it takes a special part of a mommy and a daddy to make a baby, the baby grows inside a special sack inside of the mommy until it's ready, and what a period is (that part is another story that has to deal with why you knock before you just walk in to the bathroom).
So here we are, with a very specific question. What is semen? I admit that I was caught unprepared, so I said, "Do you remember when we talked about it taking a part of the mom and part of a dad to make a baby?"
"Yes."
"Semen is the part of the dad."
"Oh."
In retrospect I should have explained sperm vs semen, but I was caught unawares here.
That led to Husband and I, after the kids were in bed, having our own little talk.
"Is it time? Is it time to have 'the talk'?" I asked.
"It may be. Pretty soon he's going to be getting misinformation at school [from his peers]."
No. Wasn't he just a baby yesterday? He must have been, right? RIGHT???
But...I want him to be able to ask questions. I want him to be able to come to us. I don't want him blindly following whatever his peers say. I know some people may think this is too early to talk about this, but let me put it in perspective. By the time I was 10 or 11, I had heard the following words in elementary school (I'm going to get a little graphic here. You have been warned): fuck (as a verb), fingering, sex, "doing it," frigid, and boobs, to name a few. Pretty soon, he's going to be hearing a lot of words and getting a lot of ideas. So the choice boils down to this:
-Get wrong information from his peers that we may or may not be able to fix
OR
-Get the right information from us, even though we may be uncomfortable giving it
You could make the argument that I went to a different school at a different time. But let me tell you that the other day while leaving the school, I heard one of the kids say, "The other night on Family Guy..."
Need I say more?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)