The Adventurous Couple's Guide to Sex Toys 2nd Edition Review

~I received this item for free in exchange for an honest review.~

Every now and then a friend will come to me for advice.  "Is this the kind of toy I want?  What about this material?  What do you think of this shop?"  I always answer as best and honestly as I can, although often my answer is "Walk away from that right now."  This is mostly because the toys that appeal to people new to sex toys are not only shiny and colorful and cheap, but also tend to be poor quality and potentially dangerous.  Add that to the fact that manufacturers and shops aren't always totally honest and the world of sex toys can seem to be a rather treacherous field to navigate.  That's where Violet Blue's The Adventurous Couple's Guide to Sex Toys comes in.


A little bit about it:
If you've never heard of Violet Blue, you should know she is a renown sex educator, author, and editor.  I'm a fan of her writing and own several of her books.  In The Adventurous Couple's Guide to Sex Toys, she takes on the confusing maze of sex shopping and breaks down the different types of toys, what each toy is used for, different materials, and even how to avoid getting ripped off.

I need to point out that I am reviewing the 2nd edition of this guide.  Both editions were published by Cleis Press.

What I loved:
I knew I was going to love this book when right off she breaks down the difference between "novelties" and toys properly designed for sex, pleasure, and safety.  This is such an important distinction, and one that is easily overlooked by newbies.  After all, if you didn't know any better, why would you buy a $150 silicone rabbit vibrator, when you can purchase a $30 jelly one?  Because one is a novelty, one is a sex toy, and it is vitally important for shoppers to know the difference, which she goes into detail about.

There is, of course, a breakdown of different toy types, materials, and cleaning basics.  There is more than enough information to help a newbie choose their first (or next) toy.  But of course, this is a book aimed not only at individual shoppers, but couples as well.  Bringing up the idea of sex toys, especially if a couple doesn't have very frank conversations, can be tough.  Don't worry.  Ms. Blue has it covered with some handy tips for opening up the conversation.

But let's say a couple is feeling truly adventurous and wants to go beyond the simplicity of adding a vibe to intercourse.  If that's the case, get ready, because after the basics, you'll find sections on kinky toys, strap-ons, sex machines, sex furniture, and even "teledildonic" toys!

If you know what you want, but don't know where to get it, she's got you covered there, too.  Not only does she give a list of reputable dealers both at the end of the book and peppered throughout the chapters, but she also gives tips and warnings to help you find a decent shop and what to watch out for.

What I didn't:
I have very few complaints about the book, but there were just a few things that I felt may be outdated. For one, she mentions that most books do not talk about prostate play, or gloss over it quickly.  That seemed odd to me, so I pulled out all the books I had that mentioned male pleasure, and all contained pretty significant information on prostate stimulation, even the books that I thought were terrible in other regards.  However, it's possible that I just happen to have books that are good with that particular piece of information.

She also mentions plug-ins and rechargeable toys as being not that common, but it seems to me, as a consumer, that they are becoming more prevalent and sought after.  But then again, if you compare the number of rechargeable toys to the vast number of battery toys, I imagine rechargeables are rare by comparison.

Final thought:
The Adventurous Couple's Guide to Sex Toys is definitely worth a buy.  For those just starting their sex toy experience, or for those that are already acquainted with toys but are looking for something different, this guide is full of information.  It contains more in depth information than any other toy guide I've yet read.  For those that may consider themselves sex toy experts, there probably isn't new information for you, but it is an extremely handy reference guide to have in your library.

If you'd like your own copy of The Adventurous Couple's Guide to Sex Toys, you can buy it here from Cleis Press.

~I received this item for free in exchange for an honest review.~

Book Review: Casting the Net

~I received this item for free in exchange for an honest review.~

When I was offered a copy of Julie McDowall's new book, Casting the Net-Volume 1: True Adventures In Online Dating to review, I was a little skeptical of whether it would fit in with my other ramblings.  This is, after all, a sex and marriage blog, but after a few moments I decided that a book about the adventures and misadventures in dating totally goes with sex blog.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

A little bit about it: Casting the Net is a shortish book that chronicles Julie McDowall's first experiences in the online dating scene, from trying out different dating sites to the dates themselves and their aftermath.  Sometimes the tales are hilariously painful, sometimes painfully hilarious, but always entertaining.

What I loved:  The writing style here isn't the typical stiff, formal, and perhaps even self-important ramblings you may expect from a serious autobiography, but instead has a delightful, informal, blog-style.  Of course, that's not surprising since some of the tales began their life in her dating blog.  It reads like your best friend is explaining her latest romantic disaster.

Ms. McDowall's dating choices are truly interesting.  She doesn't just bounce from Boring Man 1 to Boring Man 2 to Boring Man 3, but instead presents the reader with a true cast of what can only be called characters.  How about a lying clown?  A melancholy comedian?  A kinky psychology lecturer/amateur actor that wants to have a baby, like, now?  And that's just to name a few.

Since she dates a wide variety of people, she also witnesses and experiences a range of hazards that come with dating.  She writes about everything from broken dates, hurt feelings, and adult tantrums to accidentally getting drunk because of nervousness, differences in sexual desires, and separate life goals.  Even though she experiences so much, she never once gets on her high horse to give advice.  What lessons we may or may not gleam from her tales is our business.  I like that.

To be honest, for a while I thought the author was a bit shallow.  She clearly gives more than a passing thought about potential dates' occupations.  How terrible!  Why should she care that so-and-so is actually a janitor?  And then I realized that she's not shallow.  She's honest.  If I was currently dating, what the man did for a living would certainly have a bearing on my opinion of him as a potential partner.  I may just lack the conviction to say so out loud.  In her writings, she has no problem saying what she liked and what she would not tolerate.

What I didn't: Here's where it gets a bit tricky.  In the early pages of the book, she talks about dating a clown--I mean a literal clown with big shoes--and says that she was "intrigued, despite his ginger hair." I read such disdain into those words that I thought, surely, she must be talking about his clown wig.  A bit later she says of him, "...on the downside, he had ginger hair."  Ok...so...we're clearly not talking about the wig.  I was really, really confused about what the issue with red hair is.  It's stated in such an obvious way that I should just know what the problem is with red hair.  Of course, when I looked over at my redhead husband, I couldn't help but feel insulted.  This was early enough in the book and I was bothered enough by it that if I had not promised a review, I would have put the book down and not read any further.  Any author that was going to be so harsh without reason on redheads was just not OK to me.

Since this is a UK author, I went to some of my friends from the UK and asked if there was an issue with red hair across the pond.  Each friend told me that in the UK, red hair is not exactly considered an attractive trait.  That's baffling to me.  Different cultural ideas, I guess.  But then, the author also has red hair, so I'm still not overly sure what the issue is.

The only other time where my hackles raised a bit was when she mentioned finding a Christian CD in a date's glove compartment and immediately asks him if he's some sort of "Bible basher."  *sigh*  Let me very briefly explain why it bothered me a bit.  If you haven't picked up on this, I'm a sex blogger.  Since I do talk about sex, other bloggers automatically assume that I am not religious at all and proceed to bash my own religion to me.  They assume that religious people, particularly Christians, are automatically evil, stupid, judgmental, or all of the above.  Fighting the (often wrong) assumption of sexuality, personality, and religion gets exhausting.  If I had not experienced so much of the sentiment very recently, I probably would have just rolled my eyes and thought nothing more of it.  Still, I couldn't help wonder how I would react if a date looked in my glove compartment, ignored my Mumford & Sons and Flogging Molly CDs and chose to focus on why I also own Rich Mullens and OC Supertones.

Final thought:  I ended up loving this book more than I thought I would.  It's funny and painful and embarrassing.  Sometimes I wanted to hug her and tell her that it's OK.  Sometimes I wanted to reach through the screen, shake her and screech, "What's wrong with you?!  This is a really, really bad idea!"  But isn't feeling anything, whether it's embarrassment, rage, or delight evidence of a great story?

Julie McDowell is a gifted storyteller and I look forward to seeing more from her.  If you'd like to see more of her, you can visit her site!

~I received this item for free in exchange for an honest review.~

Book Review: Her Guide to Going Down

Ok, I told you about the book that had tons and tons of great info, even if it didn't all apply to everyone.  Now I'm going to tell you about the opposite end of the spectrum.

First off, let me tell you that I received a copy of Her Guide to Going Down for free in exchange for a review.  I was unbelievably excited when I received it, but as soon as I opened the package and read the back of the book, my excitement turned to disbelief and then...what's a word that more than not like but less than hatred?  Whatever that word is, that's what I felt.

A little bit about it: Simply put, this is a manual for performing fellatio (oral sex performed on a man). It has a lot of information covered in a smallish book.

What I loved: Everyone will probably be able to find at least one helpful thing to take away from this book.

What I didn't:  This is where I'm going to get a smidge critical.  Honestly, almost every review I've read of this book was glowingly positive, and even though there are some helpful tidbits, I just don't get  the love.  Settle in.  I've got quite a bit to say.

First off, the color scheme of this book horribly garish.  I understand that it's probably not the fault of the author, but rather the publisher, but it needs to be said.  The main color for this book is a horrible, hot pink.  It's the color of the text of section headings and bold type, the background color in blocks of text labeled "Sex Savvy" (these are little asides sprinkled throughout the book), and even the photos at the beginning of each chapter are tinted with the same awful pink.  A little pink here and there, fine, but it's everywhere.  You may be wondering why I'm even bothering to mention the color first.  Well, it's because there is so much of this pink in the book that it becomes distracting, difficult to read, and nauseating.

Next, some info seems to be missing.  She talks about using flavored lubricant and gives some pointers of the pros and cons, but I can't help but notice she doesn't discuss the potential dangers of using flavored lubricant for sexual intercourse.  According to Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller in their book, I Love Female Orgasm, flavored lubricants usually contain glycerin, which in turn can cause yeast infections, especially in those prone to them.  However, the only con the author of Her Guide to Going Down gives for using flavored lubricant for other sexual activity is that it may become too sticky.

Also, some info seems to be pretty uncomfortable, and possibly dangerous.  An example of this is when she suggests sprinkling cinnamon on the male and then licking it off.  Now, I'm not a doctor, and I have no proof, but something deep down inside me screams that this is a bad idea.  After reading it in the book, I looked up at Husband and suggested the idea to him.  He made a concerned face and merely said, "That doesn't sound like fun to me."

Moving on, let's talk about the positions suggested in the book.  Yes, yes, we know the on-your-knees and laying down standards (unless you're brand new to oral, and if you are, welcome), but some of the other suggestions were downright ludicrous to the average person.  For one, the Standing 69.  Although the author warns it is a position "meant for true athletes," it really doesn't have a place in a beginner's how-to book.  Basically, it works like this: he is standing on his feet, and she is doing a handstand.  How many people can do that?  How many people should even think about trying it?

Finally, there is a glaring issue I have with this book.  It puts way too much emphasis on oral sex being the alpha sex act, if you know what I mean.  Even turning the book over and reading the back, the first thing I see is, "Master the art of going down--and he'll be yours forever!"  I was already disappointed when I saw that.  I knew right then the book was going to be making some questionable claims.  When reading it, I see that I wasn't wrong.  Among others, the author claims that oral sex is the way for better orgasms.  Not just a way.  THE way.  Also that oral sex has a reputation for "inviting sexual release in a way that nothing else can," and that oral has "taken center stage in the quest for sexual fulfillment."  All that, and not even through the first paragraph of the introduction!  There is simply too much emphasis on oral as the #1 sex act you should be doing.  For beginners, that's a dangerous line of thinking.  If the beginner has trouble getting started or has had failures with oral in the past, that line of thinking is potentially emotionally damaging.  ("I can't get this right!  What's wrong with me?!  It's the one thing I have to be able to do!")

Final thought: I'm going to say skip this one.  As a better sex/how-to book, it's just not that great.  There's not enough new information that experienced people would find useful, and there are too many questionable claims (and missing information) to be a good choice for beginners.

~I received this book for free in exchane for writing a review on another site.~

Book Review: The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio

Remember when I said that I as going to do two reviews on a pair of books?  One good, one...well...OK, pretty awful.  The first review is going to be on the good one, but before we get to that, I have a couple of things to say.

It has been my experience that self-help/better sex/sexual education books are strange things.  Some are amazing.  Some are crap.  But here's the thing you have to remember: the books that are going to give you thorough information are going to give you thorough information. That means that the books that give lots of really useful information tend to be writing for everyone.  There will be sections for married people, for dating-but-monogamous people, for people with lots of partners, for heterosexuals and for LGBT people.  There will be information, sometimes lots of it, that won't be useful for everyone.  For instance, the book I'm reviewing today has a section on how to give oral sex to a strap-on dildo.  That is absolutely useless information to me. There are also brief erotica stories between the chapters.  I'm not a huge fan of erotica, so that also isn't altogether useful to me.  However, there was tons and tons of info that I did find useful.  With the really in-depth books, you have to just sort of sift through to find information that applies to you personally in your relationship and leave your sensibilities at the door.  If owning a book that includes everything but the kitchen sink isn't for you, feel free to skip this review and come back later when I talk about other stuff.

And without further ado, here's the review:

A little bit about it: The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio: How to Go Down on a Man and Give Him Mind-Blowing Pleasure by Violet Blue is a book about, you guessed it, oral sex.  More accurately, it's a book about fellatio, but there's more to it than that.  In addition to the expected tips and how-tos, there are also sections on safer sex, shaving, hygiene, anatomy and more.  There are also illustrations, charts, and diagrams, along with very brief erotica stories.  Note: If you don't like/don't get/have strong feelings against erotica, the sections are clearly marked.  You won't read anything by accident.

What I loved:  There is so much in this book that I never even thought of.  Not only are there some pretty great tips and tricks here, including different techniques to do with your tongue and hands, there are also sections about positions, comfort, male genital massage and how to practice giving oral sex if you're nervous.  For those new to oral sex, there are tips to help you get over the jitters of starting out.

What I didn't:  I thought some of the illustrations were very corny and somewhat shocking.  Not shocking as in Well, I never!  But shocking as in I'm reading along, tra-la-la-la-la, turn the page and boom!  Close-up drawing of a blow job in the works.  It's distracting and breaks up the flow.

Final Thought: I liked this book.  It has a lot of very solid and useful information, and I go back to it often.  Those picking up the book just need to be aware that the book was written with a large variety of people in mind.  If you are looking for a book that only speaks to married couples or only speaks to heterosexual couples, this isn't it.


~I received this book at a discount in exchange for writing an honest review on another site.~